Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy my h and son gave me necklace

lostandconfused6,

Do you have a thread somewhere?

As far as I know, he is not seeing ow anymore. He says he is not, and he doesn't act like he is.
I took it upon myself to begin to make amends with his family, and they noticed the changes in me right away this was in 07. My H was a little resentful at first, saying I was playing for the jury. But as time went on, and I began to be more of a help to them, and then my FIL got sick, I started doing more. I always really loved my IL's, but had kinda stopped seeing them as much. I took my FIL to most of his treatments, and doctor visits. He died in 09, like your FIL did, and now we have to deal with MIL. She is a handful, but a H's mother is a good ally to have. She and I have become closer, and I now take her wherever she needs to go. She, like your MIL is very co dependent, and I sometimes get frustrated, but why show that kind of frustration to H, when it is his M? She isn't going to change and I care enough to deal with it. And we live only about five minutes or so away from her. Were you ever close to his M? Have you and she become enemies over this? There has to be way to reconcile with her. She know you are his rightful W.

Oh, and our S is a senior in HS, so of course is still at home.

I feel that like MrBond, the way you treated your H when your FIL was sick, may have played a part in who your H chose to be with. You just can't treat your IL's in a resentful way, and expect your H to sit back and like it. And you know blood is thicker than water, so most MIL's will choose their S's even if their S's are cheating. I know this doesn't endear MIL to you, but you have to sometime give up the resentment and decide to love your H or let him go. I know you want to have him come back, but exactly what are you actively doing to help yourself? Going to support groups may not be helping you if the group just does the same old thing every time y'all meet. Going stagnant is no help. I realize you have gone dark with him, but when you do these things, you have to sit back and think about whether or not it is working, and something else should be done. Perhaps it is time to initiate some form of contact, even if it is by phone to discuss S. With Christmas coming up, there must be something to talk about. Some sort of present you were thinking of for S, that your H may want to talk about. You could be very pleasant with your H, and let that be a start.

"I think a lot of spouses come back because if money reasons and that is not my h situation."

Not so. Spouses come back because they want to be with the person they are with. Look at many of the success stories. I don't recall any of them getting back together because of money.

"Im not saying this was the only reason but he is having a great time with ow with all the $ he has. the reason i asked him for necklace because i know that was something he loved doing was giving expensive gifts and I didnt want him to give them to me i wanted him to save the money or put it towards sons college ."

If this is correct to a certain point, then your H's LL might have been receiving gifts. He gave you gifts out of love and even though your intentions were good for refusing them, he took them as rejection. Vice versa, did you ever buy him nice things? A person will show love in the way that they want to be loved. Does the OW buy him things?

Irregardless of all that. First things first. What can you do to rebuild your self-esteem? Something that you will be able to follow through with and continue on. Part of the reason why your H will not move on one way or another is because you haven't moved one way or another.

today was not good my son is depressed again and i text h and said son didnt go to school because he is heart broken for what h is doing. I know i shouldnt have text him but i get very sad when son hurts. i found out after i did that h is looking to buy ow a used car and they are buying more furniture. i think they r going to fl. together soon this is very sad. i was suppose to go to support group tonite but i didnt want to leave my son alone.
I was close to mil but sometimes we didnt agree on things. I use to drive them to dr and to the grocery store every week when fil couldnt drive any more. My mil was very instrumental in us restoring our m last time but we arent speaking now unfortunately. i sent her flowers 2 mos ago when she was in hospital for pneumonia.

i am calling counselor tomorrow for my son to go talk to him

rysmom,

Stop snooping on what your H is doing. Have you been telling your son all of this? You don't want to keep letting him have the same thoughts you do.

Did he actually say that he was heartbroken at what his father is doing? It doesn't sound like something that a teenage boy would say. Both of you could benefit with a professional. Please get help for both of you.

yes i did by h nice things.

Bond-
I do have a thread - "its not over till its over". But I have not posted much lately. H moved out a month ago, not too much I can do right now. And i find when I do post I sound whiny and pathetic, so I try to limit myself . That is why I like what you said yesterday. I have got to get out of this funk. I have to like me before my h ever would and i don't right now.