Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy my h and son gave me necklace

Has he always been this way, or is it when he started having what may be a MLC? Did he ever say how he justified keeping that inheritance all to himself? Has he always been into porn? My H was always able to justify in his own mind some of the things he did, but now that he is out of the tunnel, he regrets much of what he did. What is there still that you love about your H? Is he a good F to your S? Does he support you monetarily without your having to ask? Are there moments that you two are united together for an event involving your S, like sports, school awards ceremonies, or the like? If you will not ever speak to him, how can he see any changes in you?
I can see how scared you are, and that you don't want to give up; I've been there, and sometimes it still hits me, but I am committed to standing for our M.

he is a good father to son except for betraying us, and i did not approve of the shows or radio he would listen to with son there, R movies and satellite radio with womanizer howard stern all day.
My h has a great sense of humor, very intelligent, ambitious, creative, entrepeneur, successful, good provider, was a good h and father, caring, helpful, handy at repairing things, always found a solution for problems, an optimist, outgoing, big, strong, muscular, good protector.

I am afraid to talk to h because I might get angry because he's living with ow, and i might say something that would make things worse. I dont think im ready to do that yet til i do more work on healing myself by going to support groups and meeting new friends.

h does give me money when ever i tell him i need it.

h did like looking at porn since we met but it got a lot worse in the past 3 yrs. h was looking at it almost everyday at work on his iphone, and the heavy metal music he was listening to the lyrics were "f--- like a beast". I believe listening and watching these things will lead a person into temptation. i know it may sound a little crazy but i believe he has a demon controlling him and its sad.

h also got a tatoo of the devil on his shoulder when he started seeing ow, and he got a large mural of the devil custom painted on his motorcycle.

I pray to God for his salvation.

"I pray to God for his salvation."

Pray instead for yours. Rysmom, if your H is into these things now and you really don't like it, then why are you still chasing after him?

I don't think you ever answered the question of why your H would want to come back to you. I mean you concentrate so much on him and what he and the OW are doing.

Have you asked God for your salvation no matter what the outcome will be? Have you asked God for your to accept your H for who he is? If after almost 4 years you haven't accepted that he is a changed man, your situation is not going to change.

If you can't forgive him or accept how he is now, then move on and find someone who you feel fits your values. Just because someone listens to that type of music or whatever, it doesn't make them a bad person. It's your acceptance or tolerance of it all that counts. If you can't tolerate it, then take care of yourself first. Actually that's the first thing you should be doing.

You still drive by your MIL place. Release your anger and hurt to the Lord and make your life happy.

i did except these things about h before he betrayed me. but after affair happened it was difficult to over look these things.

Have you read any of the post on MLC? Sometimes a H who, in the best of times, is into porn, goes completely haywire when a MLC hits. Stupid behaviors will become bigger stupid behaviors, and they justify it to themselves in some way. I believe my H was going through a MLC. It's been five to seven yrs now, and some of the stuff he did, he doesn't even remember.
You do have to accept, for now, that he is just who he seems to be. It is you that you have to work on now. I don't know what sorts of friends and support groups you have, but why aren't they helping you to see that you can only change yourself, to make you the kind of W your H wants to come back to?
I can understand being angry, but you need some skills to overcome the anger when you speak to him, or you will just sound like the same bitter old W he has heard for the past four or more yrs. Pretend you are a great actress, and this is the role of a lifetime. If you talk nicer to him, and show this side to him, after awhile it will become a part of who you are. I am sure he fell in love with you when you were a young sweet girl; try to recapture that side of you that you probably think is lost.
And it doesn't hurt to pray for his salvation, I still pray for my H to want to be saved.