Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives What happens to the WAS after D?

I believe MWD has research on this. Something like 70 percent regret the D five years later and more than 70 percent are worse off financially. Something along those lines.

Yep gm23, nothing to hold me back and I'm loving it.

Probably right about now XH might be sitting back going..."I traded GG1 in for this train wreck of a woman?" BUT, since she does all the bookkeeping for his company and LIED about things in our divorce, he's pretty much screwed himself for life. The best part...he never wanted kids and so I was okay with that. This OW desperately wants kids. Hmmm....you all thinking what I'm thinking? He gets to either have kids at age 45 or give OW his business when they break up. Talk about karma!

I'm just glad to be rid of such a a sad and broken man. I'll find a guy who knows how to treat me right....

ClingingToHope,

What makes the WAS regret the D?

ClingingToHope,

Was also wondering if the WAS ever returns after the D? My W isn't with anyone, just wants the D after what she says is years of pain. It's been a year and a half after the bomb, and very little has changed in terms of her healing. She seems to think the D is the only answer.

Idk how accurate those numbers are but I have no doubt a lot of people regret D after it happens. I know someone who intiated his D, his wife wantd to work things out, he said no, he later married some other broad and is now D'ing. He said he regrets with every fiber of his being that he didn't take his 1st wife up on her offer, taht he destroyed his life and the guilt is unbearable for him. On the flip, I am sure some people are very happy with their Ds. Who knows...?



Gabby, if she hasn't thought about it now, eventually she will. Contrary to that, I wonder if he ever doubts her knowing that she willingly slept with a married man. Ah yes, two to tango, indeed.

Attheend, I think if WAS' have any regrets, it's knowing they didn't live up to their committment and try to resolve/repair the M, that they walked away. I am sure some come back but I thi nk the # is very small and sometimes the ones who do are met with a former LBS who becomes the one who doesn't want to go thru it all again.

In my case I would. I looked at the damage that I caused to my marriage over time and pray for her to be able to heal and find forgiveness in her heart. Yes there were hurt feelings for a while, but we are learning to communicate again. There are moments when the hurt resurfaces and we are going through with the D, but I hope that one day this can come back together without another relationship for either of us. Hopefully this is more than a pipe-dream.

I do have a time frame in mind, and if something does come along, I may pursue it. Currently, I am very much in love with my wife, and for me, I will carry on, for a little while at least. For my wife, my children, and for myself.

AtTheEnd,

Are you in love with your wife, or the person who WAS your wife? Remember, she has changed and will never be the person you fell in love with all those years ago. It will be a totally new relationship....

gm23,
You go girl! You have already started your life over. BTW, went to see the Judds concert last week and Wynonna said, "It's not being bitter, it's about being better." I LOVE that and I now say that as my new mantra.

Yeah that is no way to live. This happened to an older relative of mine. Her husband left her for another woman and she NEVER EVER EVER remarried/dated/nothing. She's well into her 70s now. She was so young when they split. Sad.



Exactly. I think we remember who our spouses WERE, not who they currently are and that is a hard pill to swallow but the fact is, who they were... is a ghost now. A shell of their former self. They are not that person anymore. And yu're right... if you were to get back together, the relationship is totally different with totally different dynamics.

I was just reading how all these Hollywood couples announced their divorces/splits this week. Sounds like 2010 is the year of the divorce LOL.

I can understand how both parties have changed, but if both WANT to work it out, I believe that it can. It takes growth from both parties, and if the WAS wants the relationship again, they will grow. This is where you guys tell each other to make the WAS earn it. Don't give in too quickly, make them prove it with action.

Each of you has gone through something so traumatic, that it forced all of us to grow as people. This hasn't happened to the WAS. They've only run from their problems. They haven't faced anything, placing blame on the LBS, and trying to run away. In almost all ways, we are the stronger of the two in the relationship. If the WAS were to ever want to return, you will have to lead. To help both of you grow.

The chance of this happening are small. The WAS will regret, and whether they want return is a case by case basis. Each of you will have the choice at that time, but all of you will go on to better lives and relationships based on the growth you've gone through in getting through this tough time.