Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis H's MLC - finding compassion and forgiveness

Hi everyone, welcome to my new tread. Here are the links to my old ones
#1 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1954560&page=1
#2 http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2085882&page=27

Since our SA meeting on Tuesday H has been pretty communicative. Email, phone calls, talked to me about his dad and yesterday I received an email where he is informing me that he's joined a political party and that he would like to get involved in the campaign. This really has nothing to do with me, yet he chose to tell me about it.

H was supposed to come over yesterday to use my computer, but it didn't happen until this morning. When he came I offered him a latte, he asked if he can make it...made one for each of us. One comment he made when he dropped something, he said "there is something wrong with my motor skills, I'm so clumsy, I keep dropping everything"....depression/stress related????

Then we went to my office and worked on the printing issue he had with his file. I was welcoming, relaxed and friendly, conversation was unforced and our old working together connection really showed...same comments, ideas, solutions...we complimented each other. I wasn't exactly flirty, but was relaxed and smiling...couldn't help noticing H checking me out....I was wearing well fitting clothes that really showed my figure and he kept glancing at my body....quite a few times.

Later we sat and talked a bit, about his Dad, D, business....the "almost" old H showed up today, that's for sure...no anger or attacks....

Few notables - From the subject of his dad, H started talking about his childhood. Brought up his mother (she died quite a few years ago), said my mother loved me I'm sure, but she would never show it in a nurturing way and come to think of it my dad is the same way....they are both kind of "cold fish", so in my childhood I never had that kind of love....he was on the verge of tears when he was saying that....he talked more about his parents....To me it looks like he is starting to work on his MLC issues.

He also told me that he is going to see his dad today and asked me if I would like to go with him. I said OK. So having dinner with H at his dad's house.....

Well I think that's enough news for one morning...we will see how tonight goes

Welcome to your new thread Mila.

Sounds like a very good interaction today with your H.
I truly hope that he is working on his MLC issues! It sure sounds like it!

Have a good night!

That all does sound pretty positive. Glad you had a good experience/day with him and let's hope that there are more times like this for you.

Wow Mila, sounds like an interesting day with your h. Love how he couldn't keep his eyes off you. Next step, he won't be able to keep his hands off you. Ha Ha, that's exactly how it started with my h.

He even asked you to come with to see his dad. Very positive sign. Keep it light and friendly. These MLC'ers can't handle much more than that.

Good job!

Hi Mila! Glad you had a good day with H ... and he was checking you out, 'eh!?

Have a good time with f-i-l tonight, and H too.

Mila,

Very interesting that H has been processing his family of origin issues......... Things can't be too good with OW if H is checking you out. In the context of OW's extra visit last week AND H saying that he doesn't know what he will do for Christmas, it sounds as though OW is not filling the void that he feels.


Love this ^^^^^^^^^!


This ^^^^^ is great to hear from glamgirl! She speaks from experience. Lost Rabbit says that is how it happened for her too.

Will be curious to hear how the evening with FIL goes.

If you want to make H long for you........... bring scents, smells, sights, and sounds into H's life right now that remind him of the happy times you shared. Stimulating his senses in this way will activate the primitive area of his brain and bring back happy memories of you.

GAG

CW, Antonia, Glam, Being & GAG thank you my friends....it sure was an interesting day with H.

Just came back from the evening at H's dad. To recap, H picked me up, I made a spice cake to take to his dad because he loves my baking....H was happy that I did....then we stopped at a store to pick up some flowers and few other things to take to his dad. I was going to wait in the car but H invited me to come to the store with him, so we shopped together and then we were on the way....45 min drive. Conversation was easy, I was relaxed, we talked as if we were the happiest couple alive, and I totally managed to push the OW out of my head, H was relaxed and looked so happy that we had such a good time together. We laughed, joked a bit, talked about our college days, politics, D, just about anything, H was like the old H I remember. When we arrived to his dad's house we were parking and then he put his hand on my arm and said very warmly and sincerely "It's so good to see you", I replied "It's good to see you too".

His dad was shocked to see us come in together (H didn't tell him that I'm coming) and didn't know what was going on, since we behaved like a married couple the whole evening....at one point when I went to the kitchen I overhead his dad asking H if "anything changed" H replied "no nothing changed". H was very animated and talkative until about 1/2 before we left....then he just went quiet and I sensed that he wanted to leave.

Back in the car H was apologizing for being quiet at his dad's said "I'm just so tired". He also said "My dad was so happy to see you". We talked all the way back, very friendly and relaxed, we both avoided any Relationship talks, but talked just about everything else...He dropped me of at my house and as I was leaving the car again he put his hand on my arm and said "Thank you for coming with me" I said laughing "I would give up a hot Friday date for your dad at anytime, good night" and left....I don't know it just came out, I didn't really say that I had a hot date, I just said that I would give it up...oh well he can it interpret it any way he wants to LOL

Over all great day interacting with H, I was the Mila he remembers before the bomb...and I could really see that he missed us/me....

But of course that doesn't change anything, H is still on his journey and I'm on mine....

Oh Mila you savvy girl, you! You handled the whole evening perfectly!!! You let H see the you as the light hearted, fun, smart, entertaining girl he fell in love with.

I'm so glad your FIL got to see you two together. Even though your H told him nothing has changed(yet)I'm sure it did his heart good to have you both there.

I think when your H went quiet at the end was him knowing that the wonderful day/night you had together was coming to an end. The reality of what is set back in for him again.

What you said at the end when H dropped you off was brilliant IMO. You gave your H something to think about. The possibility of Mila not being there for him in the capacity that you have been, may just get through to his fogged up brain.

It will be interesting to hear how your H interacts with you now. Don't be surprised if he pulls back or comes forward a bit more after processing your day together.

One lesson we've learned through all this is to expect nothing, but be prepared for anything!

If I could reach you I'd high 5 you for how you handled everything! (((Hugs)))

Mila,

Congrats on your great visit. Surprised the OW let him take the trip with you, unless she didn't know. I agree with SA; you were brilliant. Sometimes God just puts the right words in our mouths at the right times.

Just adding my feelings of admiration for you Mila!!!