Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives What's da haps, man?

Hey that's a good picture- I'm picturing you a bit tipsy while you're twirling around...more fun that way.

I haven't started a new thread yet, I should.

Aww, I missed you too, Brena! Glad to see you back.

I'm not sure that I want to get back with him...?
Well, maybe I'm not 100% sold that I even should. Is that good or bad?
I never wrote him back, btw.

Romeo: Yes I was spinning and drinking white wine in my ballerina fantasy

Hung out with the friend guy again after he invited me. Told him I am not looking for anything serious at all and not looking to pursue anything until my D is finalized at least and he said "I thought we'd already established that." Cool beans. Another thing I like is he hasn't once tried to touch me or anything like that. And now he's asked me out again and said as a "double date" with his sis and her boyf. I don't feel comfy referring to it a "date" and feel pressured in a way because of the context (his sis/boyf & "date"). What do I say? We get on well and I've enjoyed our times out and I told him both occassions we hung out what my deal is. Advice?

Splain "hung out witht he friend guy"? ok I'm just being obnoxious

I do think it's a bit pressuring but it is what you make it. If you don't want to go then don't, if you think you can handle it as a get together then go for it. Who knows you might like his sister and you guys can do some fun stuff together- girls night out sorta deal?

However, keep in mind that most guys don't want to be just 'friends' with women they're attracted to. I don't want you to freak out but it is what it is. Friendships can and do happen but initially of course it's not what a guy wants. The good ones, however, will be patient and respect your boundaries. Sometimes they'll push the boundary a bit to see if there's any change in your direction but back off when there isn't yet. If he does subtly touch you just move a bit without paying attention to it. If that doesn't work then you just tell him sorry you're just not there yet. Keep an open channel of communication.

^ "Hung out"-- we went to a comedy club, he invited, then had drinks afterward.

I actually know his sister and boyf, IR. I see them all socially because my bff goes with his bff and its all the same group of friends.

Earlier this year, for my bday, (when stbx didn't show up, remember that?) this guy was there, along with my bff and his bff. They celebrated my bday with me.

And you are right--I must tread carefully. So what do I say-- that a "double date" sounds too formal? But the thing is I don't mind hanging w/ him and he is attractive but.. what to do?

^ The night of the birthday--stbx called me to say he couldn't "find the place" and later I learned he was also downtown somewhere with his friends at a 'club.' Course he didn't tell me this til about a month later...

::drum sound at the end of a joke::

That's an @sshat move your stbx pulled on your b.day.



OK I can kinda read between the lines here Know your limits, know your boundaries and don't cross them. You don't want to do something you'll regret later.

So keep things public, drive separetly, pay for your own dinner, don't call him up to chit-chat all the time, find other activities and friends.

It sounds like you want to go so just tell him "The double date stuff is too formal but I'm ok with hanging out and grabbing a bite to eat". Just how you would talk to a friend. And it helps to NOT wear some crazy stunning halter dress- it makes us guys do bad stuff

Perfect. I like the way that sounds. I will say that. And no worries on the halters and dresses. I never talk to him on the phone & have worn jeans both times we've hung out. It's not worth it to me to do anything I regret later.

Sigh.

I've been meaning to take my nephew to pick out a pumpkin before the month is over so I really want to do that. It's our annual thing. I have a massive exam tomorrow so I get to study all night. Yaaay!

Thanks for checking in on me. You are such a sweetie!

Good luck with the hanging around guy.

kat

Well, I took Romeo's advice on the "hanging around guy" as Kat has dubbed him (lol) & I told him exactly what IR wrote up there and he was cool with it. He said he totally understands we are "just two friends hanging out." And he still wants to hang so we're planning an activity. Hahaha. I made it clear the word and label "dating" are not in my lexicon.

I was thinking about replying to my stbx. Still don't get why he's texting me. Wonder if it's rude that I haven't written back...

Congrats on the "hanging out" friend! As for STBX, what is there to reply to? Let him cry on someone elses shoulder, it's totally inappropriate for him to be laying it on you. He's probably used to getting replies which wreak of your underlying desire to get back together (maybe only unconsciously) and now you've changed the rules, he's got to figure out how the new game is to be played. If you feel you absolutely must reply in some way then say something short and sweet like "sorry you're feeling that way" otherwise just let it be.