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GAG, I think I've come to recognise that no matter where the ideas originate having them expressed from another perspective always allows us to reconsider and depth our thoughts and ideas. If nothing else, this journey is certainly one BIG learning curve.

So yesterday I decided to take a positive step towards H after my recent set back. Yesterday I had a friend to lunch. H worked until about 9pm. I sent him a text and offered for him to call by my house on the way home from work to collect some left over food for his dinner. He replied thanks but apologised that he couldn't be sure what time he would be here. I said that wasn't a problem.

When he arrived he came to the door and came inside. On the way in he took my front door mat and stood it against the brick wall ( it was soaking from the heavy rains we have been having). He stayed about 15 mins and made small talk before heading off with the food.

This morning he sent me a message on skype thanking me for the dinner and when I replied he replied again saying, "thanks again."

So hopefully I have taken a small but positive step in the right direction. And now, with my new found insights I can keeping moving in a positive direction.

Got a message also from MIL asking why I haven't been in contact. Now, I could really 'go to town' and tell her what I think!!!!

However, I have thought about this and I am going to respond to her in a positive manner although I will tell her I was disappointed that she chose to email me her complaint against me. I have decided that there is no point in having her annoyed with me if I want to continue moving forward with H. So I will take my time but I will respond in a manner that leaves the door open to further communication.

On a final positive, the ted stockings come off tomorrow!!!! Just as well as the weather is warming up now.

Cas,

It is very tiring to be the "bigger person" all of the time, taking the lead to take the high ground, isn't it? I could tell from your posts after the surgery that you were feeling physically and emotionally tired. I'm glad that you sound stronger now. Your body needed time to heal. Many of the pain medications prescribed for post-operative pain are central nervous system depressants and can feed depression.

I'm glad that H responded positively to your gesture. Interesting that he still does things to take care of your home (letting the front door mat drain). It sounds like an act of service. Is this one of his LL's?


I laughed out loud when I read this. ^^^^^^^^^^^ MIL is really passive aggressive, isn't she? Has she always been this way?


Cas, I know you've thought about this and want to set a boundary with MIL........but when I read this my gut said that setting this boundary right now might be counterproductive since MIL could cause problems between you and H. There will be plenty of time to set boundaries with MIL if/when you and H reconcile.....Just my 2 cents. You know the situation better than I do. As you indicated you may be able to get your point across without being antagonistic.

Cas, I'm so glad to hear you sounding better!

GAG

Yes, Acts of Service is most definitely H's primary LL.


Yes! MIL has always been passive aggressive. However, she sees herself as a peace keeper. The problem is that both MIL and FIL have never been good communicators. They never openly discuss issues. For example; when H's affair was disclosed communication between them and H was stopped for months. In fact, I was the one who urged them to rectify the situation.

You're right about MIL. I can't afford to have her off-side, especially now that she has given me the advice not to be in contact with H. Luckily she lives interstate.

Couple of other interesting things;
H invited S and D for Christmas. As the kids will be with my family for lunch H gave them a choice of being with him Christmas Eve to stay overnight or Christmas Day for dinner and again to stay overnight. The kids opted for option 2. H usually has lunch with ow and stays with her Christmas night.

H invited D to go interstate to visit his parents in Feb for a weekend. Thought that was interesting given that he said he would be moving away after new year.

Something else but I can't remember what it was.......... I'll hit submit and then remember!

Cas

Hi Cas,

These latest developments are all very positive!!

MIL's comment made me shake my head and chuckle, she's a real hoot!

I agree with you and GAG about MIL. Be the sweetest you can be around her for now. You need her in your court right now, and since we have all witnessed her motherly influence on H during her recent visit, I'd be turning her thoughts completely around.

Tackle this next chapter with baby steps, try not to overwhelm H. Give him just enough of you and your love so that he always wants more. It's very important that they still want what we have to offer.

Food and Acts of Service, Hmmmm, lots of ideas. You can build on these easily. Last summer you had H doing all sorts of things around the house for you....Patio Furniture, BBQ, I could go on and on....

Christmas is very good for you....I am going to assume this means he hasn't made plans with the OW. Yeah!!!

(((Cas))) Keep the updates coming, I love reading about your triumphs!!

Sanderika

Hi Sanderika,

How are you going? How are you feeling these days? Is H still in touch with you?

I will be away with D next week so no contact with H, aside from phone will be possible. I don't call him very often but I do occasionally text.

I would love for H to do some more jobs for me but I think I have to wait again to build up my credit points!

No other plans at this stage to initiate contact.

Take care,

Cas

Hi Cas,

I am doing good. Thank you for asking after me.

Christmas has me in a good mood this year.

I am very concerned about our court/legal status. We have mediation this coming Monday and H has so far done nothing for this divorce he initiated, except he initiated it that is.

I am sure he will not show up for this appointment either. It frankly has me confused whether he wants it or not or is in denial or not or, or, or....

I plan on following through with the process. I do not see another way out still at this point.

Yes, H still makes contact. I think he thinks it's a friendship. I don't initiate contact, he does plenty for us both.
Today he texted me a funny joke. I will just keep doing what I am doing. I don't know what else to do.

I still wish things could be different.

I wish I had not quit my job. I miss everyone (except bossman)
and already feel the pinch in my wallet. I am trying to conserve but I want son to have a nice Christmas too!!

I will be fine. You and I know that

I will be interested in seeing if your H contacts you two before your trip together.

I assume he knows all about this

Have a wonderful, memorable time with your daughter

Sanderika

Hi ladies, good to see you are all well? Im trying my best to pretend we have several weeks till xmas, still got too much to do, although H is finishing work next week, end of his contract so Im gonna make him a list of things to do!

Sanderika some of my nicest xmas' have been the simplest in money terms.. little things are more fun, how old is your son now?

Hello Sanderika,


I think this is wise; you really have little choice.



Of course, that's for all of us!!


Absolutely!


We are away for swimming. H knows all about it! Unfortunately he is working for the most part but I have given him the schedule so that he might come up if time permits. He thanked me for the schedule but made no comment re coming up; it's about an hour to drive to the venue.

Cas

Hi Rabbit,

Haha, can relate to this. I think I'm just hoping that it will all get done by itself!!

Good to hear from you Rabbit! Take care,

Cas

Hello all,

Cas, have a wonderful time! I hope your H makes the trip. I think he will be glad he did. It will be nice to get your update on your return

Rabbit, I agree about Christmas giving. My son is 14. He only put a couple of things on his wish list. I got those and added a
couple more. I have tried to instill in him, that it's not the gifts we receive...it's the company we keep. I am proud to say he has learned it well

I hope the next few weeks go well for you both.

I am grateful for your friendship.

Sanderika