Sorry I wasn't clear on that, I gave her the option of not coming like shed actually suggested, I'd talked her into coming. Then as she mentioned she was talking with her girlfriend she offhandedly said she didn't want to really go. At that point I told her she didn't have to go if she didn't want to, it was ok. She kinda brushed that off and came with us.
Me initiating anything right now doesn't seem to be a good idea, I'm not really sure how to be romantic while not appearing to pursue. When I appear to pursue I'm getting a kind of cold shoulder, yet she seems excited about anything she suggests doing...
Me 36 W 35 Children S7 / D6 Married 11 years. ILYBNILWY Oct 29,2010 2 Dogs :-D
We'd had a good day, lots of good humored banter back and forth. So tonight I thought I'd be cute and txt her, she in the next room with the kids. It was fun for a while. But soon she turned the conversation into R talk. She'd wanted to know about the changes I was making, wanted to know if I was making them for her or for me. I said both, but mostly for myself ( did I screw up?) I told her it was probably like a 90/10 split. Shortly after that she txts , something along the lines of bot seeing us as more than friends. /sigh
Me 36 W 35 Children S7 / D6 Married 11 years. ILYBNILWY Oct 29,2010 2 Dogs :-D
We'd had a good day, lots of good humored banter back and forth. So tonight I thought I'd be cute and txt her, she in the next room with the kids. It was fun for a while. But soon she turned the conversation into R talk. She'd wanted to know about the changes I was making, wanted to know if I was making them for her or for me. I said both, but mostly for myself ( did I screw up?) I told her it was probably like a 90/10 split. Shortly after that she txts , something along the lines of bot seeing us as more than friends. /sigh
No R talk, it can only lead to bad things. You should have been out on your own having fun last night. I bet she'd have been the one to text you then.
You validate HER. Validate does not mean agree. Validate by listening, making her point of view important. Not offering a defense is still validation. You do not need to say you agree that you should just be friends.
What you can say is that the friendship in your relationship is very important to you. That your friendship is strong. Or that you want your friendship to be stronger.
You might try, "I hear you when you say you just want to be friends. I'm sorry you feel that way."
This has the advantage of mirroring her (repeating back what she's saying) and validating by communicating that you acknowledge how she feels without seeming to agree.
Having said that I think it's important not to express your disagreement any more strongly than this or you'll end up in an argument (really not good).
