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What i've done now is dialed back gaming about 95% +. The few times i've gamed have been when she's watching a TV show that I have no interest in. I'm also taking an interest in shows that I found 'ok' that she's interested in. She's actually been encouraging me to play more oddly enough. Saying she didn't want me to drop my hobby completely b/c I'll end up resenting her.... I dont feel that way but she does.
So right now the tolerance levels are, i have no idea, just kinda feeling my way through that one. At the moment, the only time I'm gaming is when the kids are in bed and my wife is watching one of her shows.
I know initially I was smothering her and got lots of "You're trying to hards" or "what you're doing is pushing me away's". Finding it hard to know WHAT to do as I'm trying to occupy myself so it doesn't appear i'm "trying to hard".
Am I doing this for her? I'd be lying to myself if I said no. But I know where you're going and I know that I'm doing a lot of it for me as well. I've known for years I gotta change my habits.
Things that stung the most were that:
1) "We live like room mates, might as well just be friends.."
2) Told that i'm lazy (it's true)
3) That i was too occupied in my virtual world, true as well.

Ok...don't go back...you have GREAT positives.

Saying she didn't want me to drop my hobby completely b/c I'll end up resenting her.... I dont feel that way but she does.

She loves you. Be happy.

Thank you, I think i'm headed in the right direction. But had a bit of a low tonight while making dinner. She said she talked with her friend (who's on her 2nd marriage) about me talking to my parents. Anyways, her friend was telling her Thanksgiving was going to be weird and she wouldn't even want to go. She said she told her friend, "I dont want to but... "

I told me wife right then, nicely, that she didn't have to go if she didnt want to. It was wrong of me to put pressure on her to go in the first place and she was released from any obligations to go. She promptly countered with
Her, "So you just dont care anymore huh?"
Me, "No, quite the opposite, I care a lot, but I dont want to force you into something you dont want to do... i'm still hopeful we can work things out"
Her, "How long do you think this period of being "hopeful" will last?"
Me, "I dont know there's a time limit on this sorta thing.."

Anyways, exerted a pleasant attitude the entire time but inside I was weeping. I'm kinda big teddy bear type guy and surprised tears didn't well up but anywho.

There is a lot of love still there.

Thank you.

Do you all have any tips on how I should handle the next week and a half? She talks like she plans to go with me and the kids for Thanksgiving and I'm happy she's coming. But how do you suggest I handle next week. We have the entire week off together. She's mentioned going to the movies, a few of our favorite restaurants & shopping. I haven't gotten as far as I'd like into DR yet to know what I need to do or avoid doing. I know I'll not bring up any relationship talk unless she does. I'm not sure how she'd react to something like me trying to hold her hand either, my gut says she's maybe not there yet.

Ok She's cheated before. Is there an OM? You need to find out

I couldn't help but check out phone records over the weekend. Everything there checks out. There was one number I didn't recognize that she was texting some with, but it was during times when we were both at home so Im unsure about that one. I hate snooping though, hate it hate it hate it.

hmmm me thinks you have to find out discretly, might be an idea to give that number a call? Also maybe a keylogger on the PC?

These are the tools I used when I discovered the PA 9 years ago. So she's wise to that kind of stuff. She typically got home before me, and did the bills. So she always got the phone bill. One day office closed early so I got home early and got the mail. Thought it was odd how thick the phone bill was and discovered that bit of evidence and started putting key dates together.... dates she went "out with the girls" or "out of town with the girls", etc... I also used a keylogger to gather more information and patiently waited. Gathered enough evidence finally confronted her.
I think if she's having an EA she's doing it from work. Phone records dont indicate such and her pc activities are in open/plain sight. God I hope there's no A, not sure I'd be willing to go through that again.

I am not so sure about trying to figure out who the number is...

People can and do change...

If you hate snooping, maybe just better to leave it alone for now...

As a woman, I can tell you, you don't get married and dream about sleeping in separate rooms, or spending your time alone, even if you are in the same house.

It doesn't foster intimacy. Which is something that women need.

How were you when you and your W were dating? How did you make her feel special, desired, loved?

It really does sound like you guys have been living two separate lives.

It also sounds like she might be wondering if you can find that common ground again.