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CK,

I was waiting for a response from marnie, not you. Look I've been on these boards awhile and I've seen the people on here, other places and firsthand who have dealt with sexual addiction.

And it seemed in this situation to be a little tame which is why I asked. The tolerance level of the spouse also has alot to do with it. To some couples a little porn isn't that big a deal. Now I'm not saying it's the same here, but that's why I was asking for a little clarification.

Some people might call looking at the SI swimsuit edition porn or going to Hooters porn. There are some men (and women) who don't mind going to strip clubs but remain faithful to their spouses. It may not match with your definition of faithful, but they don't necessarily mess around. The majority know how to keep the two lives separate.

I'm not dismissing this at all. I was just asking for some clarification.

From your well thought out post above it seems you don't tolerate porn at all. That's fine. It just seems pretty condemning based on the short sitch we were given.

"he looks so ashamed and i feel bad that im making him feel bad"

So in what ways do you make him feel bad? Do you flat our condemn and embaress him or do you talk about it?

And again Bond you and Walking both miss the point that he was doing this in secret, and after his wife told him she's hurt he refuses to STOP.

I don't care what he's doing really... He's hurting his wife and won't stop it...

You two really need to read the post and address that point rather than simply ignoring it to talk about their sex life...

Let me clarify a point since I can't edit my post :

When I say "I don't caer what he's doing" I mean the activity he's doing that's hurting her is of little importance to me relative to the results he's producing.

If he's doing something to harm his wife and their marriage he needs to knock it off and communicate with his wife.

You don't just keep doing it and ignore your spouse.. that's just passive aggressive abuse...

And I would argue a strong sign that he is in fact addicted.

If he's willing to ignore his wife's hurt to consume porn even after she's implored him to end the behavior then he's very likely addicted now...

i'm with ck on this one.

1. marmie stated that she didn't understand why she wasn't enough .. and that he had to resort to porn to meet his 'needs'.

she's obviously hurt by this. why on earth would you suggest that she lighten up on her views of porn? and that if she had a problem with porn, then the problem was with HER. that's pure judgemental and not what DB-ing is about.

if her husband viewing porn makes her feel that she's not good enough, then her husband's viewing of porn IS a problem. the problem is NOT with marmie's morals or views.

2. she has said that he wasn't just caught ONCE. he was caught a few times. and when he feels bad, it means he knows it's not a good thing. so it is NOT being used as a tool to enhance their sex life. for the record, i'm not against porn but i don't think walking or mrbond is reading the post carefully. porn is doing HARM to their marriage .. it isn't helping it. when porn is being viewed secretively that's a red flag. when it's being done multiple times .. that's also a red flag.

if porn was being used by both parties at the same time. fine. but secretively, it's no different than cheating on your spouse. when he's a repeat offender, it's called an addiction. and you don't take addictions lightly .. if he was an alcoholic, would you suggest that she lighten up and join him in his drinking binges cuz alcohol might help her lose her inhibitions?


ditto .. we're not in the SSM forum.

test

NICE analogy!

This porn-king vowed to "love, honour, and cherish" this woman... He aint' doin that right now...

THAT is the problem, not their sex life.

The fact is Walking and Bond this so called husband is coercing his wife into changing their sex life.

You think that's healthy?

You don't think that's going to result in some resentment sometime later on?

If you want your marriage to change, you STOP the coercive tactics and passive aggressive BS and cooperate like a civilized adult... THAT needs to be addressed FIRST...

Not only are you guys putting the cart before the horse you are leaving the horse in the BARN!

Her husband is coercing her.. that needs to stop... or his sex life with his wife is just going to get a lot worse.

I don't know many women who find coercion sexy... do you?

I was waiting and waiting for my 1st post to answer you to show up. this is confusing.

test