Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Talk to me about letting go.

I guess if my heart could let go I might be open to meeting someone else. Maybe I would look for that.

This would defeat the whole purpose of DB though wouldn't it? If I was to decide he was totally out of my life why would I still DB? There's something I'm not getting here isn't there?

Letting go is a decision that you make and then you take steps to effectuate that. Eventually, your feelings line up with your intentions.

It's DBing because it's part of putting yourself in the best possible situation to live a healthy life and to be capable of having a healthy relationship in the future with anyone. In this way you are preparing yourself for a life without him and maximizing your chances at reconciliation. However, you (and I) need to accept the fact that reconciliation is possible, but unlikely, at this point,

I guess I'm hanging on to that part about maximizing my chances for reconciliation. That that is why I'm letting go. I can't seem to make it all make sense. How do I prepare myself for a life without him while thinking if I do this maybe some day he'll come back.

If letting go means you could meet someone else....just imagine it...just start thinking about it. Did Jodi suggest that you let go, or did you suggest it to Jodi?

CWF,

I can't tell you how many times I was told that I needed to "let go". By everyone who knew about our sitch.

Like you, I could not understand the logic in that statement. Until it slowly started to happen.

As you let go, you live your life, for you and you alone, you will find that you are doing things without considering him (same as you did prior to your M) and you will find that your choices in how your life is going, are for you. Not for any other reason. And you will be happier. A happier person, isn't so caught up in the drama of the situation, and a happier person is more attractive to other people (in general, not R wise.)

As you do this, and you find yourself happier and more confident, the possibility exists that your H will start to see you differently than you are now. Differently than he is remembering you during your R. More like the person he fell in love with. And this is what maximizes your chances for reconciliation.

Go back and read Mach1's post to you. It really is the way that this works.

If you try to decide your way into something because you think it is what you should be doing, you are going to end up regretting your choices down the road.

For your heart and your head to be in synch on this, you start with your head, just living, and eventually you find that your heart ends up following.

This does not have to mean that the door is closed. If you truly love your H, you will always have love for him in your heart.

Two huge mistakes that I have witnessed people making in this, and I, too have been guilty of them, is trying to force myself to let go, and to allow my fears of what would happen when I did, keep me from doing it.

Let go of the fear of losing your M. The M you remember is gone already. Live for you. You just might be surprised what is down the road.

Hi cwf

I posed a question to a wise DBer awhile back asking the difference between hope and expectations...her answer was very helpful and I believe that it helps with the question of how to let go AND keep hope alive...I posted he answer below...



It is similar to detaching, you recognize that you cannot help the person in what they are going through; in that process you let them go to work on themselves, but you can still have hope that they may return one day.

Having hope and expectations is NOT the same thing...expectations is looking for a outcome, hope is letting go of the expectation of an outcome, but believing the possibility of the outcome hoped for, if that makes sense.

Hope works hand in hand with Faith; without Faith, there is no Belief, and without Belief, there is no Hope, and without Hope, the Love remaining within, can die.

Hope is like leaving an open door for a time, but not expecting anything to happen. IF a positive event happens, it helps to increase the hope within the heart....but expectations must STILL remain at zero, as this is a LONG journey, and an even longer race....even when expectations die, hope can remain alive....you hold on to Hope when you've nothing else to go on or with.

One can move foward without expectations, but maintain their hope for a positive ending.

There is hope as long as one loves the MLC spouse..if that love ever burns out, then all hope is lost.

So maybe I have begun to let go in that I have told my H I will not try to convince him to reconcile anymore and that I have to accept things as they are. I think it is hope that keeps me going. It's what's in my heart and I can't make that go away.