Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis XH is off his pedestal and I'm moving forward

One more piece of info I forgot to mention............X-SIL's birthday was last month. XH and I have talked about how old his sister is a few times recently: I thought she was one age, XH insisted she was another. I confirmed her age with X-SIL yesterday. XH was wrong even though she is only 2 1/2 years older than him. ......I guess he's still in the fog. --GAG

What a gift there is in the opinions of so many....always some food for thought!

TT update.....

XH and I played TT tonight........BIG pullback from XH tonight. I hadn't heard much from him throughout the week, but wasn't surprised (Cas, it kind of reminds me of when your MIL visited recently). His sister was in town for 5 days and he is trying to finish renovations on his mother's house so his tenant can move in next week. I asked him what he would be doing with all of his free time after the tenant moved in. He said "play TT"...........seriously, this will be the first time he hasn't been incredibly busy with tasks related to his mother's health and estate since the bomb. Wondering if he'll have a little quiet time to think then?

I was playful and XH laughed, but he wasn't as relaxed as he has been for the past 3-4 months when we've gotten together. He seemed uncomfortable when I got close during our games and when we walked to our cars, there was no hugging. No suggestion by him that we should play TT next week, but of course that's a holiday week. I wished him a Happy Thanksgiving and he responded in kind. No mention of plans for the holiday by either of us.

XH was told by his orthopedic surgeon that his arthritis isn't severe enough for a knee replace (Duh! Ya think?). The only time XH has real pain is when he plays racquetball, not walking or daily activities....so I'm glad the surgeon did the responsible thing. XH said the surgeon explained to him that a knee replacement is not a minor procedure and that he could be fit with a brace to allow him to play racquetball (that was another example of XH being in la-la land and probably not hearing what his doctors were telling him). XH gets the brace next week......I asked him if he thought he would play TT anymore after he got his brace. He said he thought he would play racquetball twice a week and TT once a week......suggested wednesday (the day we normally play TT) as TT night.

I think the pullback probably came as the result of his sister's visit. No doubt his sister spent time with GF#2 during her visit. It is possible that during X-SIL's visit, GF#2 might have found out about the amount of interaction I've had with X-SIL and XH........or X-SIL may have confronted XH to ask him what he is doing.

I scheduled a session with Jody saturday. I want to ask her opinion about the current sitch with XH. She always has great insights.

......on the home front, this week I managed to get several projects completed. YEAH!!!! For the last 4-5 months I had been getting quotes and scheduling contractors to do several repairs around the house (very time consuming). SO nice to have these jobs completed before winter arrives.

GAG

GAG

You always seem to play things just right...

Stay your course and trust your instincts.

Thanks for your words to me.

GAG,

I know you're doing the best you can do and respect the thought and insight you put into your situation. But I probably have a very different opinion on things than most, and realize that. There's something about your situation that just doesn't sit right with me. And what that is is that essentially, you are chasing after somebody else's man. I realize you were married and have a long history, and it certainly seems that your XH wants to remain friends. And I don't see ANYTHING wrong with that. But the fact that he has a girlfriend, and you know this, and you still are flirting with him to steal him away, makes YOU the man stealer in this situation. It makes you the OW. You may be OK with that since it IS a morality judgement, and it is a strange situation. But it's just not something I'm completely comfortable watching without at least saying something. Again, I hold you in very high regard because I realize your actions are not made with malice. And you certainly have every right to continue your interactions with your in-laws since they will always remain, in part, part of your extended family. I sincerely hope that your XH DOES wake up and realize what he's missing out on with you.

Alb

I might agree with that if he was married to the OW.

And I would not call what GAG is doing as chasing.

She is making choices to spend time with someone she cares very deeply about and actually based on her own beliefs may consider still to be her husband.

Only for her to say and for her to risk her own feelings and life to allow it to happen in HER life.

It is HIS choice what to do with it. And OW.

The only question I put out there for GAG is

If he is doing this to another woman what makes it safe for you to believe he has changed in a way that you might accept him back in your life as a partner?

Alb, that may be your point and I get it.

Good question for GAG...

Thanks TG for clarifying. Yes, that is the crux of my point. If he is OK juggling several women that makes me seriously question his sincerity if things move further along.

Alb and Grit,

As always I appreciate your feedback. All of these questions help us to grow. I will respond in more detail later but have a couple minutes at work to give a brief reply.


Isn't this the question that we ALL ask ourselves, since there are OM/OW in most of our situations at one point or another. One could argue that in my XH's case, what he is doing is less egregious because he has no commitment to either me or GF#2.............Doesn't mean I'm not taking notes on XH's behavior. I've posted on this over the past 3 weeks since I found out that GF#2 was still in the picture.

I'll respond in more detail later when I am not busy at work.

GAG

GAG - Good points raised...but I agree....we all have the same issue...most of our spouse have cheated on us...actually if I recall your stich GAG there was no OW bomb while you were married...that came later after separation? Also doesn't seems to me that your H is committed to this current GF....they don't even live together...do they? and it seems to be on and off....and he hasn't really done anything that inappropriate...just played TT with his ex(GAG)? But good call on being watchful....

GAG

I think it goes back to what MHL posted awhile back!

You probably were not surprised when your H pulled back a little this week.

I can't wait to see what you and Jody come up with!