I agree with Eric. Get out of your car and escort your daughters to the door. Greet your in-laws with a smile. Wish all a Happy Thanksgiving! Say goodbye to your girls. Leave with your head up and smiling.
You can pull this off with dignity and grace. You may not have had a choice as far as what your H did, but you definitely have a choice in how you handle yourself.
This is what I want to do, get out and at least walk them to the door.
I am going to see How I am feeling before I do it though, If I feel I am going to get emotional if I walk them in, then I think be I will just stop at the door.
His Mother really wants me there, I am also nervous that if I do come in she will want me to stay, at least for a little bit.
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
Hi Shelby, I have posted to you before but it has been a while. I find your sitch to be similar to mine--DB'd in the past, thought I had my marriage on track, H filed in Aug, this time seems it will happen.
Did you ever find out if your H has OW? I keep looking for one in my sitch...
It has been a while since you posted--what has been happening?
Stay strong, and volunteering somewhere this Thanksgiving is a high priority for me and my S 15--I want him to know that there are people that are much worse off than us!
You can break down and have a good cry after you leave if you need to. Put on a positive front. 'Fake it till you make it' if you have to. Make sure hair and make up are done and you have on something that makes you feel good. Those things always help when trying to put forth a PMA.
If the family is going to say anything at all to your H about you, you don't want them saying what a bad guy he is out of pity for you. You want them to say, H you're a fool for what you're letting get away. Make sense?
If you don't think you could handle staying for a while tell your MIL that you have plans and thank her for asking.
You've got a few days. You can get yourself ready for this. You'll find strength you never knew you had. That and patience, lots of patience.
The ‘tude adjustment sounds like what you need. You can do this girl! Trust me, you will make it.
As cutter pointed out – all it takes is a decision by YOU to CHOOSE TO.
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we both never thought this would happen to our Family.
During the holidays we tend to reflect on how our family is “broken”. Once again, choose to change how you look at it. I like to think that my family is STILL intact. Different – Yes. Broken – NO f*cking way. That would make me defeated and lord knows none of us ARE.
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His Mother really wants me there, I am also nervous that if I do come in she will want me to stay, at least for a little bit.
Let me tell you the Eric way to deal with this (FTR, I can say this now but could not last year),
Shelby, put on the sexiest dress she has, low cut, slit down the side, Shelby is all dolled. She has already made plans to have Thanksgiving with some friends. She is smelling good, looking good, nail done, fuc* even a pedi. She walks in confident in herself. With a peace about her. She is finally beginning to stand up for herself. She walks in (go to the bathroom immediately to compose herself), greets everyone chats for a second and then walks out – wishing everyone a good holiday.
She walks to her car and drive away, stops and cries. Let’s is all out. All of it. Screams, cries some more and then she looks up and thanks God. She thanks him for the strength that he has given her. She starts to drive again, heading to her friends house (she is a little sad) and THEN something amazing happens… she realizes that she is OK. She realizes that she just took back some of the power that she has handed over to her H. She realizes that she handled it just like seeking suggested, with diginity and class. AND finally she realizes that she will be OK.
Shelby, you can do this girl. You really can.
Fear? Yep, that is what has you paralyzed. Face it Shelby, face it head on. Look that fuc*er right in the eye and say…”fear you will not control me”, “H you will NOT defeat me”, “H you will only make me stronger”. I will survive….why?
Cause Shelby, you will CHOOSE TO.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
There is usually some type of volunteer work that is more than welcomed during the holidays.
Not everyone is suited to starting a friendship with elderly people in retirement/nursing home, but I believe "adopting" a grandparent/parent to give them someone who actually cares about them during holidays.....would be a selfless deed. So many of them do not have families or not any that bother to visit. So sad.
Wow,Wow,Wow, Thank you all for the amazing advice. I am already thinking on how I am going to handle this. Seeking answer and Eric, that is exactly how I am going to handle it, I am going to walk my Girls inside, I am going to make sure I look my best and dressed confidently and sexy. I am going to say my hellos, let them know I have somewhere else to be and then say my goodbyes.
And you know what, I am a survivor, I am a breast cancer survivor, and If I can go through that I can go through anything he can throw at me.
Me:43 H:43 T:20 YRS M:15 YRS Bomb: 6/9/08 Bomb#2 7/6/10 Served with papers at work 7/13/10 DD:14, DD:11
You certainly are a survivor and you are so right that you will survive this and come out the other side better than OK.
Can I ask you how long ago your diagnosis of breast cancer was?
You already know that you have the strength to pull this off. When you tell them you have plans make sure to be vague. A little mystery never hurt a thing.
I love it that your confidence is already starting to show. That's what happens when you realize that taking your power back is a choice you make.
