Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again When does pieicing start?

My H and I appear to be in pieicing. However, we have not had any R talks at all. Does one need that in order to peice?If so, how do you start one when we are supose to wait for thwm to bring up the R talks?

You don't necessarily need R talks right off the bat. Start off with being honest with each other and start enjoying each other again.

The hard talks will come up, but when you're first piecing, you need to start establishing a level of comfort and trust with each other first.

Thank you Mr. Bond. I was leaning toward that way, but sometimes its so hard not to second-guess yourself.
We haven't had ANY relationship talks although he/we talk about our future. Not necessarily about our future relationship but about the things that we will be doing in the future.
He is inching his way toward me more than at any time in out 9 year marriage.
Its so weird this see-saw effect.
Our sex life has been tough these past few years. I wanted it, alot, he came to not want it at all. It was how I felt loved but now I realize I came off needy and clingy. He then was "Im not attracted to you".
I haven't initiated it at all in the past 3 months and he hasn't either.
I occasionally see signs of him either kissing on the cheek or peck on the lips but nothing that would lead to sex.
I have to be more patient I know but man is this hard.

Have you read His Needs, Her Needs or the 5 Love Languages? Those will help you understand your spouse better. And he will be able to understand you better.

thanks for the tips. I have 5 love languages, but honestly I can't figure out H's at all. Do I ask him? thats so not DBing.

If you are piecing your M back together, then it is time to slowly open up the communication.

So asking him to read the 5 LLs MIGHT be ok...depends on how committed you two are and factors like that

I think there's an online assessment or a form you can download somewhere. I don't know what it is, but I'm sure if you "google" it you'll find it.

NTGR,

You have asked me to pop over to your thread so here I am.

I read the first thread that you started in newcomers and honestly I cannot understand how or why you see yourself in "piecing".

Here are a few other observations.


I am still not sure that YOU are in piecing perse, which is why this may be a delima for you. Honestly, the first step for me is to try and figure out if indeed YOUR H wants to work on the M.


What is stopping YOU? Want to make goals - great - then make'em.


IMO, yes - although R talks are normally not a good thing...how will you know that you are in piecing if you do not have some level of convo regarding where the R is going. Just because your H may provide a little more attention and give you a peck on the cheek does not mean that he is committed to trying to work on the M.

God Bless,
Eric

thank you Eric. Your responses are the very reason (voice of reason) I need to hear.
I don't think I'm in piecing either.
Its just weird to live the life of a married person with no real marriage to work on.
My H is very depressed right now so temperature-taking is out, IMO. He seem happy with the status quo.
I stopped doing his laundry, cooking for him and running to the dry cleaners etc.. all the things I did before. He seems perfectly happy with this arrangement.
Its a perfect, platonic relationship, for him.
Hes obviously NOT READY to piece.
Meanwhile, I make plans to do things with my friends and family. I joined a support group for codependants. I am revisiting my opinion on a spiritual life. So I am making myself happy and fullfilled without him.
We have historically had a regular Saturday afternoon gig where we have drinks at the local pub with friends then head out to dinner.
I now say, I am going to do so and so, do you want to come.
His response," of course, naturally ".
We still do our every Tues and Fri night dinners also.
We talk, laugh have a great time together then go home and go to sleep.

NTGR,

I am not a medical professional but it seems to me that your H is clearly having some sort of crisis.

Since you are not piecing I suggest that you start a new thread over in the newcomers or mlc section of the boards. You original thread indicated that you have been reading for 2 years now; however you just started to post. What other complaints besides being needy has your H had?

Eric