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I gave her a book called the Walk out Woman about a week ago. Now that I have been on this forum I wish I would not have. She has said nothing about it good or bad. I just wanted her to see that divorce would not fix the problems. I think it would just make more.
I do not know if it was the book or my 180, but for the last couple of nights she actually sat on the living room floor with me and the kids for a couple of minutes and watched AFV with us. Usually she goes downstairs and watches her shows or plays on computer.

It does make sense Habit.



This makes me think it was not just your marriage that was the source of this.

Communication is a key here, not being able to communicate means that it not just you not being able to show love, but to express yourself.

Good point Jack Three Beans. Your point is how i feel about our communication. I think we both had tons of love and feelings to show eachother. We just did not know how. Now that I know how I can not talk about the R until she is ready. Tearing me up inside.
It's not that we did not know how, we just forgot how. Marriage takes work and we forgot that. I see it now but i am afraid she might be to closed.

Tonight I asked my wife if she would mind recording a show for me. DVR stuff on t.v. I have not tried yet. It was a show on about changing yourself by pastor Bill Cornelius. (what could a little religion hurt). All I did was tell her the channel # and she set it up for me.
Later, I am on the computer and I see she looked up Bill Cornelius. Can I take this as a little,itty,bitty baby step that she is a little curious in what I am watching? I am desperate, I will take anything I can get.lol.

But that is exactly what she needs to know! She doesn't want to stay in a M b/c you need a mother and b/c you aren't strong enough, confident enough, sexy enought........

WAW's need to see the H leading with a "quiet", gentle but firm strength. Confidence is sooooo sexy! Yes, you prefer to have her in your life, but when she sees you improving yourself in order to have a better quality of life......I believe that would stir some interest.

The biggest area is to earn her respect.

I read that book also. It is almost an extension of what MWD teaches.

Looks as if your W took a baby-step, so take it as that. Don't "expect" any reactions to books, talks, or anything.I do suggest that you not ask her any questions regarding that book. It will backfire, if you do. In the future, reframe from giving her information on M b/c she will see it as pressure.

Thank you for your support. I have finally learned to quit trying to talk to her about the R. It seems I regret it everytime anyway even though it seems like the right thing to do. It is so hard to have patience when I have learned so many things about us that I wish to share with her.

I have a meeting with my MC monday and was thinking about doing some x-mas shopping afterwards. One of the things I am not supposed to do is buy her gifts,flowers,love letters,etc. What is anyone's thought on what to do about x-mas gift?
MC also says I should compliment her. Everytime I say you look nice today or, How was your day? it seems to bother her. I know it probably seems fake to her, but MC says it will eventually seem natural to her and I should keep doing it.
Since I broght up my MC, I might have a little problem I need to solve with him. 2 months ago when this all started my wife went to see him once. I now know this was just because I asked her to. The next time I saw him he said that he saw nothing in her that showed she had made up her mind. He saw a very smart woman who had not made any final decisions. This made me feel great.
2 weeks ago was the last time I fell off the wagon. I asked what I did not want to know. She said she wants a divorce. First time she said it bluntly. I changed tactics and said I would not give up and I have to fight for this marriage, so on and so on. I asked what she had told MC. She said she told him plain out she wanted a divorce and she was crying when she said it.
Now. I have taken so much hope in what he told me about what he saw in her, just to find out that I have been lied to by my MC. Maybe he has a reason for this? I am going to have to confront him on this monday.
I actually feel I am getting more from information I am finding on my own anyway. Such as this forum,books,etc. I still do not mind doing all I can but I am hurt by what has happened with MC. I do need to hear his side of the story though.
All of this changing tactics and falling off the wagon stuff happened before I had DB and DR books. I have learned a lot since then.

She was crying when she said she wanted a divorce at the MC, not when she said it to me. Sorry, had to fix that.

Habit,

Do you see the compliments as a trick? Or something you could/should have been doing all along?



Did he?

Your wife is telling you she wants a divorce, what better way than to change history a bit and say she wanted it 2 months ago?

He might have, he is a Marriage Councilor.

But it is an assumption on your part.

Someone is lying? Maybe. I dunno I figure a woman who is breaking down crying in front of me telling me she wants a divorce isn't quite the same as a logical woman, with steel resolve telling me she wants a divorce.

Get your anger under control. Rather than 'confront' your MC, ask.