Mandyloo thanks for visiting..I think we have all read your situation and watched your xh twists and turns maybe the end picture is not totally clear and as upside said some take longer I guess there is no way to put all the mlcer and their experiences in a basketalthough many seem to share certain negative characterisatics maybe close to addiction characteristics Upside Thank you ..I just read your thread and it continues to seem hopeful for you and I too hope oneday soon xh will attempt to reconect with our kids we remain positive hopeful and very detached I encourage my kids at every opportunity to let go of Dad to pray for his well being and to look to God as true father now-- I continue my journey with BF who has proven to be a strong ,positive trutsworthy man to this point.. but my reliance is not on him but on a higher source and myself just enjoying a nice freindship I do not want anything more than that at present and BF is willing to allow relationship to be--not sure I will ever waNt M again I practice wishing x and ow wife the best sometimes Im not sure if it still affects me on the inside with hurt, but I outwardly practice sending them well wishes and I feel I mostly mean it... so that is hopeful b/c I do not want to harbor anger..that will affect me I want to be free--so I set them free peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
You sound good peace. We have had a long road haven't we. For the sake of my children, I do wish ex the best also. I don't want them to have to experience any more loss than they already have. It is so sad to see self-destruction. The bottom line is that breaking apart a family has major consequences for both the ML'er and the other person involved. At times we wish them ill, but in the long run where does it really get us. We can only move on and show them how life really should be lived.
Trusting
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
My ex MIL called me last night to update I felt so bad for her she has major medical issues and xh continues to have no contact with her she said ow mother called her to see if she had heard anything from them she had not ow mom told her she also asked them to leave some time ago as the drinking and drug use was too heavy so this is where the story goes..full blown addiction and that has its own life and consequenses I felt bad for my xh as he was a recovering alcoholic for 20plus years..he was sober when I met him ,so I never saw him drink I tend to think many a mlcer gets pulled into an addictive lifestyleand loses the ability to choose the addiction takes over it is a disease Im sorry xh went back to that lifestyle but im glad he left choosing to Not take us down the path with him it would have been harder and more confusing peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
I believe most of the mid-lifers have addiction issues. The OW is an addiction, i.e. attention, flattery, sex.....
It is a rare midlifer that does not want to take his ex down with the ship, so yes you are lucky in that respect. That does not minimalize the pain though.
I feel so sorry for you MIL, when she needs her son the most he is no where to be found.
Take Care Trusting
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Yes I have to agree..it is sad for kids and it is hard having NO help sometimes, but it seems that God will always be there to make sure we are OK exMIL said OW wife is anorexic, and on many meds as well for pain and ect she is under 30-also addicted
so some of my friends cant believe what ex H gave up supposedly he lives in a motel with wife somewhere in the south now no one really seems to know I hate to think it , but when xmil called, I though she would say xh is Dead..
doesnt seem good for him
but here aall continues well. My kids are healthy and seem to be happy my business continues to grow and I am amazed by it and feel it is exactly what I am supposed to do I love it all my R are better than before I am happy with my life and the way it turned out..except for xh wish he could find his way to recovery again for his sake and the kids and his mother..for me I am done and it matters less and less with every passing day.. grateful Peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
Some have to hit rock bottom so hard to make any changes. I pray this is what your ex needs to help himself and be a father.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Peace, Your situation seems like one of the saddest on the board. I guess the only thing is that he can't keep going as he does, you know? Eventually something will have to change.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
trusting yes he will have to hit another bottom before he may get help and it is hard enough to get sober once..not sure he can do it twice forward it is sad for xh and confusing to the kids it was not a normal divorce if ther eis such a thing but it does explain what happened to xh the addiction seems to be the force to pull him under maybe the mlc and the underlying issues were the start but the addiction is the finish and I know it too well--the odds are slim I dont take any responsibility for any of his choices I feel totally detatched and somewhat unaffected by him I am grateful he is not here peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
