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About S, he is still being very clingy. Maybe it is the weather. Maybe it is because he is growing. It isn't a bad clingy, but he wants to always cuddle with me so who knows.

I am glad though that he can talk to me about the stuff he is remembering and also what he is thinking. I am very afraid for what his future relationships. I don't want him to always think marriage is something that you can just throw away. The way he talks now is when you don't want to be married you just leave, but I know it will change as he grows. He is a wonderful little boy and I always get compliments on how polite he is, very shy and sometimes rude in that he won't say hi to certain people, but he says please, thank you, excuse me, holds the door open for people, etc.

I will keep watching him and hopefully it is all a phase, but I am glad he feels comfortable enough to talk about what he remembers with me and also comfortable enough to tell me what he is thinking so I can help him out.

I now have 3 new babies in my life and I am a little jealous. One friend had a baby 3 weeks ago. S loves him to death. He even told H last weekend "daddy I have a new baby brother" lol . H gave me a weird look and I explained who the baby was. S is obsessed with babies now, ready for a brother or sister.

Baby 2 was born yesterday after only 1 hour at the hospital and 6 hour labor (jealous because mine was 26). This is my newest nephew who lives in TN. Born 1.5 weeks early.

Baby 3 us on the way. It is S's best friend's baby brother (also my friend's baby). He is being born on my brother's birthday and the baby's uncle's birthday.

I am loving holding these babies, but it makes me want one and even more want a guy at least.

Ah, baby fever! LOL. Last year felt like the Year of the Babies amongst my friends. They were all pregnant.

Well the good thing is you have a son already to love and cherish!

Well, the pies are done. All that is left is the turkey tomorrow, and setting up. I will have all day to do that since I don't get S back until 3:30 tomorrow (he will get picked up at 9 as always...H always gets to have the fun without ever having to get up and do anything...sorry needed to vent there a little because I am always up early with S getting him ready).

Today I got the Property settlement in the mail. I get NOTHING. Pretty much everything will stay as is. H will get to leave our marriage without having to pay for any of the joint debt I am taking on. I think it stinks, but the L doesn't think I will get more so why waste the money.

On the good part, it says that I will have sole custody of S (which I have had since H left). H will still see S just like he does now so no change in that and he will get overnights if he ever moves out of his parents. I will get to always claim S for taxes (which is why I don't mind too much that H doesn't have to pay because that is $8000 I get to claim). H will have to start paying me $41 more per month in child support. Also once the D is final anything in the house is my property so if H doesn't get the rest of his junk by Jan 13...I can legally get rid of it without worrying about being sued.

Honestly, I think this is completely fair. I am getting what is most important to me and that is S, everything else doesn't matter too much. I would like to be compensated for paying for everything the 15 months he left and I hadn't filed, but you live and learn. He got a free ride. I feel like he is getting off free and clear and able to start a new life right away, but then I have S curl up next to me to cuddle while watching TV or think about how much H has missed out on with him and I remember I am the one who has everything.

I wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving! I did cry after reading the agreement because I still believe we could make it work and I miss having a family to hang with all day, but tomorrow I will spend the evening with my family and most importantly S, and that is all I could wish for. I am so thankful for everything I have and for having the peace of mind that I am always taken care of.

Awest, I think it makes sense why you would cry after reading the settlement. Just think "clean slate" and "fresh start" for your life. If you and your H reconcile down the road, the same thing applies but now you get to fully start YOUR NEW journey
(not that you or any of us wanted a new journey but I hope you can see what I mean)

About the baby fever--you have plenty of child bearing years left so don't sweat it! Who knows what the future holds?

Well...Happy thanksgiving. I am very thankful for S and my life. I love it...even last night and today...

Last night S woke up at midnight screaming which isn't completely normal, but he does once in a while. I felt him and he was burning up. I right away tried to give him meds and he wouldn't take them or let me check his temp. I text H right away to let him know because S was supposed to go with H this morning at 9 am (a heads up). S continues to not sleep well. Then at 5:30 I decide to take him to the 24 hour clinic (since nothing else will be open on Thanksgiving day). S was drooling and so warm. I text H again to ask what he wanted to do and to let him know what I was doing with S. no response. S was horrible at the doc's although the meds (tylenol and ibuprofen) finally kicked in. I felt so bad having to calm him down and hold him down for the strep test. He wouldn't even stand on the scale.

S has strep so I drive around looking for a 24 hour pharmacy. I finally find one and get the med. Give it to S. Still nothing from H and he is supposed to get S in one hour. S won't even walk because he feels so bad. I text my sibs to let them know and ask about what to do today. My family responds right away and we decide to do dinner tomorrow. I finally text H with 45 minutes before he should get S and he says "sorry I didn't have my phone with me". I was fuming...because he always asks me to have him be more involved and how he wants to help. I am done asking. Plus the quickest way to get to the 24 hour clinic goes right past H's parents...and he wasn't there. He has moved out of his parent's, but still has not even bothered to ask to have S spend the night. I don't get it. I am so sick of the stupid parenting by him. Soon I will have sole custody and H will really be just S's "buddy". It is sad for S because he doesn't know anything different, but oh well.

H and I decided it is best for S to stay with me all day. H will pick up S tomorrow at 9 and drop him off earlier than he would have today so he can get a good nap here. I have been disinfecting the house so no one gets sick tomorrow. S fell asleep about 1 hour ago on me and he finally is sleeping well so I was able to move and go to the bathroom and get something to eat to keep me going.

I am very frustrated with H, but now I know to just forget it. I have tried to keep him involved and have him help out like he wants and asks, but he is never around for me or S so I am done trying. If he doesn't want to be a good dad, it is not my problem. I will still allow H to see S and be cordial, but the little bit of respect I was starting to feel for him because he was stepping up as a dad, is now gone.

S just needs TLC, which he is getting and when I have a few moments I am going to keep disinfecting so he gets better, my family doesn't get sick tomorrow, and I don't get sick either.

Happy Thanksgiving!

S is doing much better. By 5 yesterday he was asking for turkey and pie. He fell asleep at 10 pm since he slept from 9:30 am to 2:30 pm yesterday.

Today I went to one store to get a couple of things I wanted. I got all, but one so that was good. I spent a little too much, but it was nice to get a few things for cheap for me, and I also got all my Christmas shopping done except two presents for S, a present for my new nephew, and a present for H (S needs to be with me to pick it out). I am now off to cook the turkey . Tomorrow is Christmas decorating time and S will get to pick out an ornament.

Just catching up now. Happy belated thanksgiving! We all do have a lot to be thankful for! What a tough weekend though with S. I’m so sorry to hear that he was sick. Poor S just can’t seem to catch a break – last year with the tubes, and the colds and pink eye this year! You’re a great mom and take such good care of him even in those more trying times. Glad he is feeling better now though. I understand the frustrations of "doing all the work" by getting up with our S's when they are sick and up early EVERY morning, but in the end, we win, as we also get to enjoy the most special moments too. Some days, all I want is just 1 morning to just sleep in, but then when he gives me that big hug when he first wakes up, it's not so bad. =)

I don’t even know what to say about H. You’ve tried to include him in, but I think you’ve learned your lesson now that you still really can’t count on him for anything so it’s best just to count him out. At least you have other people in your life with your family who are there for you unconditionally! H can have his preset times and that is it. He’s not being a good dad and is not truly putting the effort in to grow that R with him (having him spend the night, etc), so it’s not something you can force, but in reality, it’s his loss. It’s unfortunate too that you didn’t get more in the settlement, but like you said, you still got what is most important with S, and now you can move forward with your clean slate!

Which ornament did S pick out this year? My S picked out a little Lighting McQueen (Cars) Ornament. haha.

It has been a rough day today. I just can't seem to really focus. I have so much to do and don't really know where to start. I have to call the L back to go over some questions I have like clarifying what some of the legal jargain means, etc. Also understanding when H must have his stuff gone by.

Also I haven't gotten my registration info yet, which probably means H has it and it is due the 15th of December. His mail was forwarded to his parents and with him not living there...well who knows what is goign to happen and his name is on both cars as well as mine so who knows where it went to.

S is feeling better, but I am trying to spend time with him and he is still very cuddly/clingy.

I have work and want to do a good job there.

I now have to buy my dad's present although other people said they would.

I have to go to a meeting Saturday for church then my christmas party later so H is keeping S a little later, but I still don't like it much because I will miss S.

Plus a bunch of other stuff.

Just not focused...

Talk to the paralegal yesterday and got my questions answered. We are adding a few things like how H needs to get off my car insurance, and that H must have his items out of the house 30 days after the D is final, etc. Oh and I think I forgot to put that when I got the info from the L it contained the items from H that she wanted with a letter dated November 16. H made it seem like the subpeona was not needed, but he didn't send the papers until probably the 17th which is when the subpeona was sent out so he didn't send them in October like he made it seem. I am really getting mad at him and I am having a hard time being civil because now he is hurting me financially as well as emotionally.

I asked H about the registration and he says he never got it, but got online to look at how much it cost. He said something about me paying him, but I said I will take care of it myself. With his lateness on teh car insurance twice and his lateness getting the paperwork to the L, I am sure he wouldn't pay on time which would hurt me more. I believe from last year I can just pay for my car, and that is it. He then can pay his. He has so much money...I don't understand why he has a problem. He is netting $1420 a month after paying me child support and his only real bill is a $200 college loan and maybe $300 in food and gas. Where is the other $1100 going? Why is he always late or always worried about money? I am living paycheck to paycheck...

I need to call the dealer again. I called last week Friday and they said they would get back to me in 45 minutes. It now has been 4 days. My check engine light is now on 80% of the time and my car stalls at least twice every other day. GM said the parts have been sent to the dealer and I have to call them now, but I must wait for the letter or I have to pay out of pocket. That is rediculous. I may never get the letter because the car is first in H's name and who knows what is going on with his mail since we never got the registration renewal paperwork and who knows if his mail is still going to his parent's since he isn't living there anymore.

S cried for a long time about not wanting to go to school. He felt a little warm when I dropped him off at my mom's (early meetings) and so I am thinking I will have to take a day off tomorrow.

I need to get some info for the L that I forgot to do so H can sign the paperwork giving me the house.

The city is fixing the sewer right in front of my house so I am not allowed to park at my house and must park down the street with possible snow the next two days so instead of only taking a week...it will probably take longer....

I had a meeting this morning about book adoption and my principal put me in a bad mood talking about how teachers aren't doing the right thing by the students and we need to do better and we need to narrow the standards and only teach what is important (instead of teaching everything like the state says) and how we should be looking online for hours to get materials and do everything online...

One positive. Over Thanksgiving I messaged my BIL that likes me. We got close when H was MIA and BIL was awesome stepping up to hang with S. BIL also knows everything H did to me because he is friends with a lot of the girls H had EA's with while dating (the ongoing OW1 who is 5 years younger than us is one BIL was good friends with). Anyway it was good. He had said how he was always mad lately on FB and I said how it was because we hadn't hung out in a long time...lol. He posted that he did miss hanging out every Friday night. (I would always talk to him about work and stuff that he hates, but has to say nice things about because FIL got him the job and works with him and he still lives at home, etc.) I messaged him on Thanksgiving saying thank you for everything he did the past year like letting me use his laptop when H took ours, stepping up to hang with S when H was MIA, talking with me and just making me feel like things might be normal again, etc. I said he was a great uncle and BIL. He responded back how he missed having me at Thanksgiving (must not have been the one planned with S) and he misses hanging out, and welcome. He also didn't know S had strep, which was weird. It was nice to reconnect with him and he plans one coming over sometime around Christmas.

Otherwise as you can tell, I am very overwhelmed. I have no one to talk to about any of this stuff. No one has the time to listen and everyone just keeps saying how I am better off and I will find someone new and better soon. I don't know. I just feel hurt and stuck. On top of that, my stomach is messed up and I only ate one meal yesterday...