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I don't know!!! What does it tell me???

I get a little mad because I am worried he feels 'let off the hook' for a while.

If it were me, it would tell me one of two things...
Either what you are doing isn't working or...
He doesn't deserve to be with you if he is going to act like that...

There could be other things, I don't know...you know him better than any of the rest of us

I do know him... he is one stubborn SOB!

I suspect he feels relieved that he doesn't have to do anything for another couple of months but live his fantasy life... yet if anyone asks, he filed for D so he can do whatever he wants.

Little do they know that I had to actually push him to even get that done.

I am contemplating starting the D process after my seminar on Dec. 3rd instead of waiting until Jan. Will see how I feel after my seminar and what transpires between now and then.

All the waiting and watching can really wear you down. I know I'm feeling it. I don't want to do the divorce for my H, but part of me wants to just grab it and "get it done right."

Ya' think that is me just being controlling? H did have that on his list of complaints.

I didn't even get a list. Just a 'we can't be happy together anymore'.

Yes, I feel worn down.
I feel very lonely right now.
I feel hopeless.
I feel angry.
At times I still feel disbelief.

I KNOW he does not deserve to be with me, especially this alien. It is just so hard to let go of all of the hopes and dreams I had for our future. It is hard to believe after all we went through to be together, this is how it ends.

I'm so sorry
I know this sucks
This period you are going through is natural, we all go through it and many times
You have put a lot of energy and effort into things lately and still see nothing from your H and you don't understand why/how...and I've got nothing to offer...to this day I don't understand how my W was willing to throw it all away and as you have seen, still might...still dealing with all this crap myself

Worn down is natural. The best way to get past worn down is not to let the situation consume you. I've got no secrets to offer there...it is one of my many weaknesses. But to get past worn down, you have to detach more and not let the situation drive your life

Lonely...you know what to do there...friends, family, activities

Anger...its natural, and I personally don't think its a bad thing...so let yourself feel that

Disbelief...I'm with you...

Hang in there, you are due for another really good day

Thanks for responding GW.
I have felt a little ambushed by my feelings the past 24 hours. I had been doing a pretty decent job of detaching and then attachment just sneaked up on me. I know I will be ok by my self. No family around here.

Friends have been somewhat hard to come by with my work schedule. Everyone I know works at the hospital and on the days I don't work... I find it really hard to cultivate friendships outside of that place. I guess as I write this, I realize that is just what I need to do. I am also afraid of getting attached to people that I will leave by next Oct. I have always become overly attached to my friends... another area to work on.

I think my feelings came from a couple of sources: I didn't run yesterday when I should have, nor today yet and I have been eating more carbs than usual... they make me cranky and emotional. I need to eat better. Plus, I was on day 5 of my work schedule and it had been very busy. I work with people in emotional crisis all the time. It gets very tiring.

I think I will just lie in bed and watch a movie today. Then go for a run. I plan to go to a BB game tonight with a friend so that should be fun. I don't really care about college BB but at least it is a chance to dress up, feel good about myself and get out of the apt.

I certainly understand. Attachment and then anxiety snuck up on me today and I am having an incredibly hard time shaking it. And I understand the work situation and friends outside work as you described...yep, me too.

Hope things get better soon

Me too. I hope things get better for you too.