It is easy to get excited when it looks like he is waivering. You have time and feelings invested. So you need to set boundaries. He needs to know that you will not be investing time in any relationship that has more than 2 people in it. He hasn't really lost you so he doesn't know what that feels like. Don't be readily available and it is fine to have other plans too.
Thinking of you. kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Good to see you posting again!! Did you get a response back yet from the email you sent him? I don't think catching him off guard is really going to happen with an email though. You usually catch people off guard when you are face to face with them. He is away from you when he reads this email and can develop the answer he wants to give you, or that he thinks you may want to hear. He has no real true motivation for telling you he is cheating (if in fact he is - maybe he is not). What would be the result for him, you might no longer be available when he "needs" you. If you want to get a truer reaction you have to have these discussions in person, and I do understand how difficult that is. You did make a big step forward in just sending the email broaching the subject.
I have felt for quite some time that Mr. A is cake eating. I hope that I am wrong because you absolutely deserve his full and undivided attention.
IMHO, George W. Bush said one smart thing during his presidency: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."
Actually, Mr. Bush actually screwed that phrase up when he said it. LOL. It's actually pretty hilarious if you can find the video.
Originally Posted By: Mrs. A
I feel like he's fooling me twice. And not always being very nice or kind, either! I've continued to make an effort to work things out with him, but he vacillates. And he behaves badly.
Vacillating = annoying. Did he respond to your email yet?
UGH-technology drives me crazy sometime! No, Mr. A didn't respond to my email yet. I'm not surprised because he doesn't check his email too much, not even daily.
But - this is so frustrating! - I sent him a text last night telling him to check his email when he had a chance because I want a reply from him as soon as possible. Well I checked this morning and the text never went through! (I only found out because someone else tried to call me on my cell phone and it wouldn't work, so I checked my account online and lo and behold the text wasn't sent. Grrr.)
This happened once before and it will probably get to him at some point. That, or he'll just check his email. Who knows.
Anyway, I wasn't doing so well last night, but I'm ok today. Got a busy day at work to keep my attention focused...
I want to respond to a couple of thoughts you guys posted, but I will wait til tonight to do that. Meantime, thanks again for welcoming me back after my hiatus!
Sorry, I forgot how to quote! But these are quotes from BA's post that I'm trying to reply to--
"...you absolutely deserve his full and undivided attention."
BA, that brought a huge smile to my face! Thank you.
"I don't think catching him off guard is really going to happen with an email though. You usually catch people off guard when you are face to face with them. He is away from you when he reads this email and can develop the answer he wants to give you, or that he thinks you may want to hear."
Hmmm, good point. It will be interesting is to see how much attention he even pays to the email. I just read it to myself again and it certainly doesn't take a hard line. What I may get from him - which would be pretty upsetting - is just a total blowoff of my concerns.
If Mr. A takes a "deal with it" attitude, I'm going to be sooo mad. And I won't tolerate it.
But - what am I trying to say here? - I want Mr. A to take some action one way or another. Either be willing to engage in a conversation or not. If he is willing, even if he's cheating, then my reaction will be different than if he just shuts me down.
I'm rambling here because people are coming into my office and I can't focus. Talk to y'all later.
Mrs. A - You're welcome anytime, smiles are always good things!
One other thing that I did not mention about your email is thought it was way to apologetic - to many sorry's in it. He will use that against you in his reply I believe (if you get one). Stay strong and focused and that means on you NOT Mr. A! :-).
At the moment, the biggest downside of sending that email to Mr. A last night is that my anxiety level is through the roof wondering if he'll write me back something terribly hurtful while I'm trying to get through my crazy workday!
This scenario is not without precedent, BTW. He sent me an email on October 21, 2009, telling me (for the first time in so many words) that he wanted a divorce. I went home sick and didn't come back for three days!
No chance of that happening now - both because I won't let it and because I don't have any time left to take off!
This phone thing is just plain stupid. Ok, so I have a pretty cheap cell phone. I admit it.
It looks like the whole phone network went down for like 12 hours. Or maybe it was just my phone! Who knows? I can't get through to customer service. AARGH!
Anyway, like I said, this happened once before and Mr. A got that text about 12 hours later, but it never showed up on my "account activity" as having been sent.
The reason I'm giving you all these details is that Mr. A could come back here tonight like nothing happened. "Oh, I never got that text and you know I don't check my email every day."
Truth? I don't expect to see him til Sunday at the earliest. Or maybe not even that soon.
