Thank you for sharing. In particular, this (below) jumped out at me.
Originally Posted By: Holly06
I believe that this crisis invaded each of our lives as a wake up call from God. He tried other ways to bring us back to Him, but somehow we resisted. So he brought out the shattering of what we hold most dear. Ultimately, it is up to Him, if you completely give it to Him. I think He had a plan for me, and I asked for His guidance every step of the way.
We are all thrilled for you and REALLY appreciate your willingness to share here. It is very encouraging to see you moving toward R after D. We are all rooting for you.
Thank you for your willingness to field questions. My XH and I are D'ed for 1 year but we moved into the friendship zone this summer. Throughout September, October, and early November we played table tennis once a week --- we had a standing game, so this is definite progress from 2 years ago, right after the bomb when H was very angry and all of our contact was ONLY about the D settlement.
I am curious whether you think there is anything different about the process of moving toward one another AFTER the D is final? Your thoughts would be appreciated when you have a chance.
Best of everything to all here, TJ and I are still doing very well.
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
So very glad things are going well for you. I miss our talks. I am still standing...a little harder since H is now engaged to OW. I prayed and prayed about it and God gave me a clear sign that nothing has changed.
I so agree that this situation was given to me to get my behind back to Him!! I wasted enough time doing things my way now it is His turn to run my life. I am content with how things are. I am in the process of getting my Masters, one son has graduated college and the other has another year after this. My oldest son has been in remission for at least 3 years...life is good.
You have excellent insight. If you are ever in my state just give me a call...my number hasn't changed. God bless you, Holly and so happy things between you and TJ and great. You deserve happiness and a restored family...I bet the girls are thrilled.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
Thank you New. I am doing great. I have come back to support the Yellow Rose of Texas as she ventures off into the sunset. Got caught up with things along the way myself.....
The big picture in my situation is just fine. I am happy. Keeping all the parts of me that have changed, that I like.
I moved back to wanting more from my R with TJ. I am ahead of the game again. That is a thumbsucking place to be. Hate it. See, I am ready for I love you. A meaningful R talk about the future,,,,,,, roses for Valentines day.
I have not told him "ILY". I am just enjoying the relationship, but honesty with myself prevails, and I want the next steps now. Don't assume I am acting on any of this. I recognize it in myself and hit myself all over the head with my Bam Bam club. (The pieces of all the 2 by 4's molded into my permanent club. More civilized that way. Try it. But you have to hit yourself. Bummer.)
I have had lots of reflection and what if's along the path. Will this path that I am committed to, be the path to happiness or, would I be better off in a new R? I have these thoughts all the time. Ultimately, this is what I have boiled it down to. Once you are an adult, with a family morgage, jobs and extended family, you are not ever going to be able to start or continue a new relationship without baggage. There is pain, and problems and what if's along the way, no matter what. I have been and will continue to have to deal with the occasional , "I can't believe TJ did this to me." I bet I'd be better off starting fresh. Then I see my BFF Liz. She left a M that was riddled with affairs. She married a great guy, who brings w him an XW, and the legacy of mistrust with XW's affairs. They both have 1 child. 6 months into the MARRIAGE, I endure weekly, sometimes daily, " I don't think this is going to work." " I made a mistake". "He changed."
Mourn this awful thing that has happened to your life. It is awful. Loss is covered up with anger, anger covers up hurt. Deal with the hurt directly. When you are ready, chose what you want. You can change your mind. You can stay the course. Up to you. But the ultimate destination is "happiness". The kind that is within you. Not "happily ever after", as this implies dependence on someone else. Aim for Happy. Cupid might take the arrow out of your tushie, and replace it with love of every kind.
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
