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Great post, Mach.

I agree...great post Mach and TF!

(((DU)))

Awesome posts Mach and TF! Thanks

Destiny,

I too found myself at a loss this morning after reading your words.

Faith is something that each person needs to find within themselves.

We can be taught about the words in the Bible, the principals behind those words, and basics of religion. However, it is our choice what to believe and what to apply to our lives and how to view it.

Questioning God and your faith in Him is normal. It is part of how we grow and expand our awareness.

If God were to just give us everything we prayed for, we would learn NOTHING.

We would not grow, we would not evolve. We would just be robots.

If we didn’t come to the “threshing floor” and lay it all out to Him, including our anger, our questions, our uncertainty in His existence, we would remain shells of who we are meant to become.

Shells of who He wants us to be.

This is your time Destiny. Your time to really look for the answers you are seeking. They are within you.

As you find them, you will be more able to look back at the things in your life that you see as negatives, and appreciate that you have experienced them. I know that sounds really unbelievable.

But it is true.

Be kind and patient with yourself, all of your answers are there.

Many Blessings

I think I should be clear here. I am not looking for someone to heal me. I am simply attempting to understand the whole theory/purpose for my situation. While I can say it was because we did not communicate enough, we let or feelings fester, we destroyed the "good" that was between us, or that we loss faith (good one) in each other, I still don't understand. I realized that no one here can tell me why. I was really trying to record my thoughts this morning, as bitter as they were.



Maybe I have hit rock bottom or maybe I just wanted to understand. Me the stubborn fool who believed in the value and sanctity of marriage. You are right about one thing, I initially, like so many others here, went to my knees for help, understanding and forgiveness reaching out to God. It was answered with additional suffering. I thought it was actually healthy to question God. or should I prepare for the first strike?




It has become a weak part of this whole stinking process. I am able to look at myself.. In some cases I like what I see and in others, I hate what I see. That is truly honest. And I know that everyone will say.."what are you going to do about it?". Not sure if there is nothing to be done. [/quote]

Sounds harsh, but these are things I needed to say and question.

I understand what you are saying Destiny.

This really is your path, and it is hard as anything to walk.

You know this.

I'm not gonna ask you what are you gonna do...That is for you to decide.

What I AM trying to get you to see is..

That where you are now , is part of the normal healing process that we, as humans , go through.

Think about this...

Although you question God right now...

Maybe...just maybe...

God gives you exactly the problems that you NEED to fix yourself?

Great post, Cat! Thank you.

Mach, while I understand what you are saying and may agree to an extent, I guess I am going to have to be a big girl and reconcile that these things happen because I was broken.

DU...it is hard isn't it? You WILL get there. I have been questioning so much myself...ex. God. Why have you done this to me? You allowed my Dad to die and a couple of months later I find out I have cancer and JUST when I was starting to get back on my feet...my H tells me that he is love with another woman? WTH? I KNOW that "I" didn't do anything to deserve this but I also know that I was not perfect! I am working on myself so that if H comes out of the fog and realizes that he has thrown away the best things that have happened to him in life, that I will be able to handle it and be a better partner to him! And...if H doesn't come back, I want to be a better partner to the next H!!!

You say you don't like what you see...only YOU can fix what you don't like. Do the mirror work. God WILL be there if you let Him!

Also, ask yourself...is your H worth standing for? If YOU think he is, then you have to do the work...being overseas may be what bring the rock bottom that he needs...will you be ready for him IF that happens, when he comes back?

As he must change, so must you!

Take the time, reflect, cry, curse, whatever you need to do. Read "The Journey From Abandoment to Healing"....I am and it has already helped me!

I am glad that you are asking these questions DU!!! Keep posting! Read other people's threads...

CW, Mach, SA, and TF - Thank you thank you. Yesterday was an extremely emotional day for me and I am sure we have all had those days. I use to feel unsure about questioning God's purpose for fear of the strike of the sword. But I do believe it is healthy because I have been on my knees more so over the last few months than during my M. I just have to focus on things that truly bring my enjoyment.

It is true, I must continue to do the work. While he is gone, there are so many "me things" I realize that I must address for ME. Sometimes I feel drawn back in. He called on Tuesday evening and said that he wanted to see me before going overseas. Right now is is still stateside in Army training for the next week. I am feeling very unsure about what I want to do.

While I DON'T want to be drawn back in, I am still very concerned for his safety. I need to think more about this.

CW, really - thank you and you are in my thoughts.....