Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives online dating tips #3

Two for B, one for F.

OT, I definitely thought of that possibility. I really did NOT get that impression at all when I met him. Still it's possible. So we should include it in the vote.

Any other votes?

Well I'm going to be totally different and go with C. Possibly A, even though he slipped away long enough to do some surfing. Some guys just don't want to commit too quickly. I think that's it.

JMHO,

Barb

Some good advice I've read is to NOT get involved in mindreading, etc.

Once a guy has met you he is either:

1. really interested and shows it by contacting you, planning a date, etc.

or

2. not interested enough...who knows why, who cares why.

I dated two men who are super busy with children, heavy workloads, etc. Both made a point of scheduling dates with me, even 10 days in advance if that was the best we could do with our schedules. A guy pursuing an attractive woman for relationship purposes has to realize that she is likely to become unavailable soon if he doesn't make his move.

Nah...
If there was good kissing, he didn't wait a week because he didn't want to commit too quickly.

I don't think he's thinking commit, he is thinking fun.

The LL thing is always interesting. Physical touch is my secondary LL so I can kinda relate to it. But with Guitarist he surprised me when he told me what the most meaningful thing in our dating history was to him. After M ended things with me and Guitarist and I had our first, quite tentative "phase 2" date, at some point I slipped my hand into his to break the ice and communicate non-verbally that I wanted to get back to where we had left off. I didn't think much of it, but to him it was a gesture of great significance. I'm definitely assuming he's a "PT" guy.

Frankly, I assume that PT is primary for most men...anyone have other theories?

"Nah...
If there was good kissing, he didn't wait a week because he didn't want to commit too quickly.

I don't think he's thinking commit, he is thinking fun."

Desert Rat, are you saying since I kissed him on that first date, he would only think of me in terms of fun? And if so - why wouldn't he want some more FUN sooner than two weeks and counting???

Flowmom - you're right, mindreading is pointless. And yes, if he was that into me, he'd be putting out more effort. I just have trouble turning off the curious part of me that wants to put a label on everything and figure everything out.

I don't believe most guys have physical touch as a love language. It is very very different from sexual touch. My ex was NOT a physical touch guy. Although he gave me a decent amount of kisses and hugs, he really didn't want to be touching all that much. And the last boyfriend was less so - he felt crowded if I wanted to snuggle up against him. Both guys were very sexual though.

No... that's not what I meant!

But I am thinking that since he is a bit younger, didn't contact you for a while, and then went flirty, his motivation is more fun than commitment. So I don't think that's why there was delay. I think during the delay he was getting the fun elsewhere.

Of course it really could be A, in which case all of the mindreading is hogwash!

I would die for some PT, and it would not at all have to be sexual.

Well, duh, of course his motivation is fun. Seriously, what else could there ever be between us? Although he did make a comment before about him not being a booty-call kind of guy. Maybe that's his problem.

Right now, the East Coast guy clearly IS depressed, the 27 year old obscenely too young, and the 44 year old guy turns out to be married in some kind of weird open relationship. So I would gladly settle for a little fun with the 34 year old at this moment in time.

kml, the 35 year old's email sounds non committal to setting up a date but he wants to keep you in his back pocket, perhaps?

Do you feel like "playing" this game in hopes of getting some more action? Or are you looking for something a little more meaningful? Hoestly--there is NOTHING wrong with just wanting to play, right? I just think this guy is not looking for a girlfriend.

Can you tell if he has been active on the online dating site? I mean all of us are checking out more than one person, right?

I think that making out intensely on the first date showed there was chemistry between you two and something I am learning quickly is that chemistry is chemistry. It doesn't mean you will see each other again....(am projecting from my experience and maybe some others'! )