So I got home last night from work and my wife was at the house. I walked in the garage and she was sitting there waiting for me. She gave me a big hug and said that we needed to talk.
She told me she was not going back to OM house, she had made arrangements for a girlfriend to collect all of her things and she was staying at this friends house. She said she wanted to make things work between us. She said i was her best friend, her true love and she messed up. She wants to make it work, she is scared but it is worth the risk. She told me what she needed from me for the relationship to work and asked what i needed from her.
I told her i need complete transparency about the affair, i didnt want details, but i needed to know what the OM provided that i didnt. She told me, she told me that she would let me see anything i wanted, give me any and all passwords.
She will stay where ever I direct her too, and she will invest everything she has into making it work.
She spent the night on my couch so she could spend the morning with the children and take them to school. When I got up this morning, I made her a pot of coffee, left her a note thanking her for our talk and wished her a good day. I also left her the keys for my truck so she could drive the kids to school as I know she had no gas in her car. I left the note on the coffee table. she sent me a text thanking me and asking if we could do something as a family tomorrow.
so, I am going to proceed with caution. I will validate her feelings, and continue with my new growth and lifestyle.
I am going to proceed with caution. I will validate her feelings, and continue with my new growth and lifestyle.
Sounds like you know how to handle this. Be careful and make her prove that this is what she really wants. I pray that the two of you can move forward with a new, improved relationship. Good luck!!
Starsky, when she quit her job and asked to come home last time, i told her I needed to think about it and took a week. She then went back to OM.
So to be honest, I really didnt have that card to play this time. I am not letting her move back inthe home, she knows it will be a rough road and she has a lot to do.
the thing here is, she is broken. She has ruined her life, she has no job, run out of money and will be sponging off of friends to survive.
I know i cant pick up the pieces for her, she has to do that on her own and at the same time show that she is committed to our marriage. But i am not going to turn my back on her either. This is what I have wanted all along. I am not going to rush it. I am going to continue with my personal growth. I will make her visits with the kids easier, by letting her stay at the house for the weekend. Her brother is offering her a place to stay.
Not trying to rain on your parade, but just 4 days ago you were saying you saw no R in sight. I would be suspicious of such a quick change of heart (and change of men).
She didn't offer much reason for her sudden desire to work on the M and tried to make you think there wasn't anything going on betwwen her & OM?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
well it is very fast. i dont know what she is thinking. All i know is she has said she will be honest and truthful, she will be transparent with all. I will tell you when I got home tonight, dinner was made, there was a list of places in the town I live in where she applied for a job and she gave me her cell phone showing 5 text messages from OM asking her where she was, where she spent last night and telling her to call him. She told me she didnt respond and that we would call him tomorrow together so she could tell him that it was over and they could not ever talk again. Her friend is planning on picking up her stuff for her tomorrow as well.
I am excited about this whole turn of events. I am not showing it to her and I am asking for advise. I have been all over the place here, and I am wanting to listen to what you guys say.
She is saying the right things and doing the right things for me, especially showing me the text messages. I will keep my head and let her prove to me that this is what she wants. She is going to stay at her brothers starting Sunday night when her regular visitation with the kids is done. She wants to be at the home on tuesdays and thursdays and take the kids to school and cook dinner ect. She wants to spend her visits as a family. She wants to spend wednesday nights and whatever time i can on the weekends with me.
I have committed nothing, i have said we will see how this weekend goes and i have arranged for MC next week. If i am way off base here, i will listen. She just seems to have read the book on what to do and say to me!
Don't misunderstand, Tank, all we want is for your M to succeed. Being so close to the situation, it might be difficult to be objective all the time. I think it's a very wise decision to not let her move back home right now. I know it must be tough not to, but it's all too fast and it won't work if she moves in straight from OM's place. By "fast" I am refering to her sudden decision about things. Remember when I told you that she was probably missing "home" but not necessarily the M? I stand by that and I still think something's fishy by her overnight change.
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If i am way off base here, i will listen. She just seems to have read the book on what to do and say to me!
Well, I think most women KNOW how to do the things that bring a feeling of happiness or comfort, it's just that we DON'T do it a lot of the times. No biggie........no book......we just know how. You were confusing you men not knowing what makes US happy, right?
The first step is getting a transparency plan into effect. She wants you to be with her when she breaks it off with OM? Fine, then do it.....but she needs to know that's the beginning and not the end of things. If she's sincere about wanting to work on the M, believe me, it won't take long for you to know just how much she means that or not.
Continue to protect yourself and don't buckle yet. She's got to prove herself and she needs time to work through some things....if she's going to do this right.
Remember, we are here to try to help you.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I know your here to help me, and i need it. I appreciate the comments and guidance. I may seem like i'm fighting back but really i am just expressing my emotions on here rather then to her or in front of her.
Well today went well. I kept busy with the kids, and she just kinda watched how we all interacted. She has been pretty surprised at how well the kids behave and work together. Thankfully she hasnt tried to change our routine.
The kids are a little stressed and are acting a little more defiant than normal. But the are also more animated. They are happy to see mom at the house.
Me, well i am struggling. I am trying to keep myself on the same routine, and just keep things in the house moving. I am finding that i need to go off to my room just to have a breather and be by myself. I just need to regroup and calm myself. I am a little, okay a lot uncomfortable.
I am trying to avoid any relationship talk. I havent agreed to her visitation modification, other then her spending the weekend here.
