Just getting out my thoughts: I feel relieved that I know what I'm up against, and that I'm not 'crazy' One of the reasons my H said he knew he had to D me was because I said that I thought he was having an A. He said if I couldn't see that there were serious problems and that's why he was leaving, then he knew he was making the right decision, because I couldn't look within myself and see that our R was problematic. Wow. A lot of crazy making going on here. I'm sitting here, just missed a phone call from him. I don't even want to talk to him. Who IS this person? I know the two courses of action I can take. I can let him go entirely, or turn around and dump him. Why can't I make a move? I am terrified. I don't want to lose my condo, my dogs, my financial security. Stupid stupid me for becoming so financially reliant on him. Argh!!!
Basically talking about how they would like to meet up, his roommate is out of town, that he was going to call her from a blocked number (because her H is monitoring her phone calls because she has cheated extensively on him).
Imagine that. ::
Originally Posted By: asher
Because this A doesn't have long term potential, I feel very secure in the fact that he will come back to me.
And so you're ok with it in the interim because you don't believe it has longevity? I would confront him with it. And I'd let her husband know. But that's just me.
I want to let her husband know, thing is, he lives in Texas, he doesn't have facebook, and I have no means of contacting him. That would honestly be my first step, because I want to know what he knows, apparently they are in marriage counselling, so perhaps she has been somewhat transparent with him. I know that he is looking at her phone records because they are using blocked numbers to communicate.
He still calls me every day too and acts like he is working on the M.
How do you overcome the fear of losing everything you've worked on for the last nine years? I realized others have a lot more to lose than I do, but I just can't get past this fear. It's immobilizing. I love him, but I know this isn't healthy. My first step is to cut contact, but if I do that, he'll know something is up. Plus we are still sharing the dogs back and forth, maintaining a 'working' on it kind of relationship. He threatens if I take the dogs and all of my things that I will never talk to his family again. His family is my rock, I don't have a very good family life myself, I have no one to rely on there, except my sister, who is a single mom and has her hands full. I have a few great friends. The kicker is he kicked ME out of our house, I can't legally work in the U.S. so I came back to Canada to work. I can't go back because I will lose my job.
You seem to just excuse all of your husband's behavior, and dismiss all of the (good) advice you've been given. Plus, you're totally fatalistic that your husband's affair will just run its course, and he'll magically come back to you.
Having just read the 2 pages in your post am I reading it correctly that basically since you believe the A won't last, that you are okay just to sit back and wait?
What are you doing for you?
Who cares if he knows that you know??? Seriously, who cares? Your snooping just confirmed what your gut was telling you so why does it bother you not to call him on his behavior?
And this....
Originally Posted By: asher
he might have a bit of wild oats to sow still. I am willing to forgive this, in fact, it gives me a glimpse into his own self loathing and guilt now.
Only time I have ever been on the boards when I had to slap my own forehead after reading something posted here.
Stop justifying his behavior, find your backbone and stand up for yourself and what you will tolerate, otherwise, this is what your life is going to be like and really, do you want to continue to live like this?
May All Who Seek To Take My Life Be Put To Shame And Confusion; May All Who Desire My Ruin Be Turned Back In Disgrace. ~Psalm 40:14~
I don't dismiss the advice. I'm smart, I have a master's degree. Intellectually I know exactly what I have to do. Emotionally, I'm having a tough time because I'm terrified. And yes, I make excuses because I just can't believe that someone who was so sweet, so considerate, can change like this and not be willing to work on a M with a person (me) who sacrificed everything for him, got him to where he is now, supported him, comforted him
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