thanks for your good advice. where are you living now? Do you have a good support system nearby. I joined a woman's support group 2 weeks ago, I think it will be really good for me. I knew i needed more people for support with the holidays coming. I plan on having no contact with h from now on. I still find this difficult sometimes but I know it is good for me to. It allows me to heal and focus on my own life. I get really worried about my financial future though because I have no way to protect it in my state without filing and my h is addicted to spending. It was like living with an addict. always on a roller coaster.
You are so not to blame for your MIL's illness. And she probably can't be firm with him because she fears the consequences for that....and it's such an ingrained pattern with her.
I'm really happy you joined a support group....you first need to be in a position of strength...and that will help.
You are a good person,and you shouldn't stop your kindnesses...they are part of the wonderful person you are. You MIGHT want to pull back on the hugs for H....depending on how warm he was when you did hug him.....how did that go?
Putting the funny bones in a box...is a GOOD sign, showing he has some sort of warmth towards you and you can build on that.
Your H might be a kind of addict....I wonder what Laurie's take on your situation is? Laurie is the best, and her advice should always be followed.
Ask Laurie about the filing thing as well. You do need to protect yourself so you can be in a position of strength. That doesn't mean you stop being your sweet self.
The only other thing I would ask (because I can't remember from way back)....is what is so attractive about this other woman?
Hang in there, take really good care of yourself.
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
My h likes to take care of woman and the ow is short and i am not. Maybe because she is short he feels he has to protect her. He also said I am to controlling and emasculated. I was very insulted because I consider myself a feminine woman. the ow is probably wearing sexy clothes and lingerie which i didnt. She probably is doing everything to get that ring on her finger. My h has a successful business and she is after his money too, Yesterday ow, h called me rehashing the past craziness of their affair. I didnt want to hear it. He said his wife said that she is going to file in Jan. after the holidays. He was fishing for info and i didnt like it. I was going to go to the party last night but i drove there and the neighborhood wasnt that great.I dont know if it is the right group for me. I dont know if hearing people talk about their problems is of benefit to me. It makes me feel more depressed. I went home feeling sorry for myself.
the ow is attractive because she doesnt comment on how he spends every cent he makes lives for the moment, the shows he watches, heavy metal, howard stern he listens to all day, and pornography. I know i shouldnt have been controlling about these things but i was afraid they would be a bad influence on our family and he would fall into temptation and that is what happened. Only a miracle could save our marriage by saving him first. I believe what you put into your mind effects your actions. But he thinks everything is a joke and it wont effect him. I got very spiritual going thru this and got more obsessive about his neg. habits. He is what people call a bad boy and I wanted to change that to save our family.
I gotta ask. So have you changed in any way that he might find you attractive like the OW? If not, then why are you still chasing him? He's not going to want to come back to the same old you.
Knowing what he finds attractive or why he left is one thing. Not changing and expecting things to be different is another. It's the primary principle of DB. Do something different.
It seems like whenever you do talk to him, you scold him for his spending habits, and hope that he feels sorry enough for you to come back. He will not. He will want to come back to someone who is positive and is interested in sharing life together with him on the same wavelength.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
The things that i have changed are; I am going to school, I have a friend I play tennis with often, and I joined a woman's group. I am also going to do some volunteer work training seeing eye dogs for the blind.
Okay, answer this then. Why would he want to come back to you? What reasons can you think of (aside from obligation) do you think he would want to come back to you?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
The reason he should want to come back: I'm a person of integrity I taught him a lot about living a healthy lifestyle when he wasnt unhealthy. We have a lot of history and good memories together We have a great son together We had a great marriage til crazy therapist ruined it and told us to separate We balanced each other We were good business partners Intimacy was always very good We were always there for each other We were best friends.
