Thank you all. I feel better to hear that my anxieties are reasonable. Its bad enough having the boundaries of trust tested without being put in the role of obsessive posessive husband. I have now been invited along on the trip. Which is fine until the next time. I think my stand may be that we can be friends as a couple with him and his wife as a couple.
Thank you all. I feel better to hear that my anxieties are reasonable. Its bad enough having the boundaries of trust tested without being put in the role of obsessive posessive husband. I have now been invited along on the trip. Which is fine until the next time. I think my stand may be that we can be friends as a couple with him and his wife as a couple.
that takes care of this trip, how about the excessive emails, letters, phone calls, etc.? the quasi non-existent sex life? the disconnect between you and your wife and the fact that you don't enjoy a lot of the activities and interests she has (and vice versa)
I'm assuming this isn't the end of your problems?
As for this trip, Did she invite you or did you bring it up to her?
just posting what steve mcqueen placed in quotes in another thread, just because it's easier to read this way:
From a WAW's perspective.... "..About a year ago, I became addicted to chatting online, especially with strangers, particularly men. It got to the point that I opened a secret Facebook account, started playing games online, and started chatting with people I was “meeting” thru the games. Conversation would turn to my marriage, and how I felt I wasn’t getting the attention I wanted/deserved from my husband.
I made many of these friends. Things escalated. Suddenly I had all these secret “friends” in my life. The conversation was not always wholesome, in fact, sometimes it was quite damning. In some cases I became emotionally involved. I started chatting with some of them on Skype. Sometimes video chat was used. I said nasty things about my husband that weren’t true, but I liked all the attention I was getting. I did nasty things that I can’t bare to put into words on a public forum.
My husband became suspicious. Asked who I was staying up late chatting with on Skype. I lied and said I was talking to my sister. He did some detective work and discovered the truth. Evidently for some weeks he was monitoring my online socializing without my knowing. Like I said, the things I said and did on there were damning. I had no idea he knew anything was going on.
Two weeks ago, when I came home from work, he confronted me in the driveway. He had already moved his things out. The only thing he said to me was “You can’t do this and be with me. I’m leaving. You’ll be served in a few days. And served I was. During the next few days, I left desperate voicemails, asking him to go to therapy, telling him I loved him, etc.
We have had one face to face conversation sine he left. He didn’t want to be alone with me, so he asked my sister to supervise. During that conversation, at the advice of my therapist, I said almost nothing. I just listened. He only wanted to speak about divorce and what he wanted and did not want in the divorce. I only said, that I needed time to think about it, and I hope we could reconcile and be stronger than ever. He says it’s not an option. I did say I was sorry, which he doesn’t believe.
I would do anything to get him back."
So what do you think worked here? Was it a tactic? Or was it being so real with his wife, to let her know that it was over, that it was his decision and not giving her any doubt about what he wanted.
What steve posted could pretty much be one of the best things you will ever read on this site.
I think my stand may be that we can be friends as a couple with him and his wife as a couple.
Beware the Trojan Horse.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Yup, beware that trojan horse and any other purchases involving.... trojans ;-)
the EA is already taking place, that's been my view from the beginning, whenever a wife starts having this type of connection with another man, this is the beginning of an EA. They share interests, they enjoy talking to each other, they look forward to the next communication, communication becomes more regular with increasing frequency, they start planning things together, etc.
Ask the question, why isn't she like this with her husband?
She is sharing a side of her with another man, she is communicating more with this other man than her own husband, an intimate connection is being fostered by this activity and the longer it continues, the stronger it will get.
They had a spat already with words being thrown about like "why don't you trust me?" (or something similar), think about this, the relationship she has with this other man is so important at this point that she is willing to argue with her husband about this issue, the other man is too important to just let go of.
