Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers DB9- My bomb #2

I will try to catch up in a bit, but for now... don't chase her. Get busy doing your own thing, don't be nasty, have a good time not worrying about her until she comes to you.

Will read when things slow down at my work.

Don't ask to sit down and talk about it. Figure out the way to do something fun together.

She is confused and miserable right now.

Make her laugh and feel appreciated. She will tell you how she feels on her own time and will. Then step up and do the right thing.

Humor doesn't hurt. Watch old Cary Grant movies

Now, I am going to get into trouble if I don't go for a bit...

You're asking for it.

Richard Nugent: Hey, you remind me of a man.
Susan Turner: What man?
Richard Nugent: Man with the power.
Susan Turner: What power?
Richard Nugent: Power of hoodoo.
Susan Turner: Hoodoo?
Richard Nugent: You do.
Susan Turner: Do what?
Richard Nugent: Remind me of a man...

I wasn't refering to you, Time, but was quoting what you said in order to a connection. Neither was I refering to these "guys" here, but just in general.

I know we women are very difficult to understand. I realize all women are not of the same make-up, so there is always that small number who are different. At the moment, I cannot think of one female that would not fit into the category that I described. Having said that......there may be dozens from this board that might tell me I'm wrong.

I have learned that we cannot operate out of emotions b/c they can be fickle, but isn't it wonderful to be able to respond to the great feelings we experience down through life?

At the chance of sounding like I am contradicting myself, I went through a time when I said almost the same thing to my H as this woman has said to hers. It comes from being in a mental or emotional unhealthy place where one can't cope like they usually would. It isn't really the best time to try to discuss M/R.

I may be wrong, but in this H's attempt at trying to help his W....I could see his WAW feeling as if he is "picking" away at her. I'm sure he isn't intending that, but being a former WAW....that is how I see it.

It is very hard on the LBH to know what to do....and he wants to do what works so badly. If the girl won't open up and answer his questions then it's either b/c she doesn't know how to communicate it verbally, or b/c of her mental state right now. My advice would be to know her LL, first of all, and then leave these deep questions alone until she has recovered from the state she's been in. She sounds like her mind won't cooperate and give her the words to say, and that puts more pressure on her.

If you know her LL then work through that.

Well put Sandy,

DB9 - there is your translation.

Now go and watch some Cary Grant before the next date with her.

Sandi, she's always been quiet and reserved except with me and maybe her dad. Her mom left a long time ago and is even now a very small part of her life. She was raised by her dad and in a lot of ways tends to be closed off like a guy. When u say LL I assume you mean love language. Don't some of those principals go against some of the principals here? That's what's getting me in all this. I feel like there is this manual to do things the right way but this runs into that and vice versa. I feel like in a lot of the situations I might know what to do but I second guess myself because of this rule or that rule

Don't over analyze this. Give it some time. You got your W to talk about OM, you got her to talk about herself.

Stick to the basic pronciples. No pushing M/R talk. Listen to her what she is telling you. If unsure and put on a spot say, I don't know how I feel about this, or I have to think about that.

Agree when appropriate, don't argue or try to change her mind. Give her what she wants.

Come here to vent and share.

You will be okay.

Pookie in the post before your last you say on your next date. The only way were going on a date is if I asked and that would be persueing or is asking that leading and I'm misunderstanding?

She is in friendly terms with you right now. She swore that the thing with the OM is over.

She has told you that she does not knwo what she wants and that she is not worthy. She is emotionally vunerable.

I would not be pushy to get together again. Maybe give it a week. But you don't want to lose sight of her, that's when the next OM will come along to comfort her.

Be delicate and wise.

"Hey W, I got these two tickets for the comedy show tomorrow from a buddy of mine. Would you like to compliment me with your company?"

What's the worse case?

If she says no, back off and wait.