She is feeling guilt over what she did to you. She is looking for reasons (not enough help, not enough sex, etc.) for her to feel "I was not good enough fo him".
Stand up straight, be strong and lead. Know what to validate and what to disagree on.
Probably the most common mistake we (men) make is that we don't really listen (especially if we've heard it before). Just listening sometimes without trying to fix things ( and bonus points for saying "tell me more" and not falling asleep--drink coffee--it helps) just a couple of times a week or so turns out to be really important.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Probably the most common mistake we (men) make is that we don't really listen (especially if we've heard it before). Just listening sometimes without trying to fix things ( and bonus points for saying "tell me more" and not falling asleep--drink coffee--it helps) just a couple of times a week or so turns out to be really important.
I agree. Look up "active listening". Understand it and implement it to see amazing results.
Something else, last night when we talked I would ask her what she meant or tell her help me understand and she would just get mad at me. From what I get now should I say instead that I think you mean this, or lead her into what she may mean?
You didn't make her feel special. Who knew you were responsible for that, eh?
I understand how everyone is responsible for their own happiness........to a point. But I also believe that woman look to a man for that "special" feeling. Now, I can only imagine the ones that will come back and talk about "feelings" and yada, yada. I don't care guys. You hear me? I don't care! This isn't about what should be, shouldn't be.......it's about the way the majority of women are wired. There might be a tiny population out there that doesn't look to a man for that special feeling, but I think it's those who aren't sure if they are female or not.
Here's the thing, part of falling in love is having that special feeling. She feels special due to your communication with her (not necessarily verbal). If she doesn't have that special feeling from you, then some other man will come along some day that will give her that feeling! In every case where I've read about the W walking out and having an A, it's b/c she doesn't experience that romantic, sexual feeling from her H--and she misses the guy she fell in love with!
I've been to a lot of weddings and they all have something in common. The way the couple looks at each other. That way the groom acts so protective& proud of the bride. It is just so sweet to see the love between them. If only they would not change after the wedding and continue to treat each other in the same manner.
Some try to dismiss feelings, but it doesn't make it go away. Women are all about feelings. Why do you think they get so weird at times?
So.....there, I've said it. Let 'er rip! I've already read how a man can't "make" her feel anything......but I strongly disagree. Feelings are a reaction and I know we should be in charge of our emotions, etc., etc., etc. I DON'T CARE GUYS!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Give us an example how it went down when she got mad.
Ok, an example would be, she said i feel like you deserve better, I deserve to be alone, ive always felt that way. So then i ask her if she was ever happy, and she says yes. I then ask what is it that makes her feel that way, could she give me a reason why? And she says its just how i feel, i dont know, i just feel how i feel <angrily in a lecturing kind of way>. She then tells me that i know that she has a hard time showing her emotions and talking about stuff so i didnt continue to push the issue.
