Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis MLC=Twilight Zone/When do I wake up?

Thanks punkin and MHL,

If I did not know what I know now about MLC and the experiences

of people who are going through this same thing along me, I could

not imagine anyone being able to sit next to their Spouse calmly

throughout a bible study such as this. No matter how this turns

out, I am so glad that I am the LBS and I know now I will have no

regrets no matter what happens.

My favorite Warrior. Verse 13 on Love. You hear it all the time and I have learned more of what the words mean to me through my life at different times.

Your post reminded me of a metaphor I heard in a movie (Godfather 3 actually)

It was said by the cardinal, a true priest, I paraphrase:

"Men are like a stone lying in a river bed, and the water is Christ. They are surrounded by Him yet HE doesn't penetrate the stone" He cracks a stone against the fountain. "See how dry is the inside?"

Your W sitting next to you in Bible study is like that. Until something cracks the stone she will not hear it.

Take care of you and your boys. Give the rest to Him.

WS, I've only recently re-discovered the calm and sense of peace offered by a morning at church. It's unfortunate that my W's MLC is what it took for me to attend again.

Using 'Grit's metaphor, the water has flooded over W, yet she is dry and stone cold. I figured out long ago that no amount of evidence proving the damage to kids and families from her behavior will move her to change. No amount of discussion from her family of friends will change her, she'll have to do it herself.

You are lucky she has joined you in Bible study to be "immersed" together. Water always finds a way in. I'm finding many MLC'rs like mine refuse to get wet and are still sitting on the riverbank.

Hey Warrior

I am moved by the fact that your W is sitting in bible study with you. I think it is great. I also am impressed that you understand that this is really her journey. So....

Where is that list!

What is it that Warrior...prince of calm whats for his life?

God Bless,
Eric

Hi Warrior - that shows strength to be able to sit beside your W in bible study.

You know I do spend social/family and business function time with H and most of my friends don't understand how can I spend an evening with him and be nice to him after all that he is putting me through....it's difficult but it's possible...it's actually a good exercise in building mental strength for me and I'm proud of myself for being able to do that...you should be proud of yourself too.

Warrior you are doing great.

Warrior

Where is that list!

Eric

Gee, I read this stuff and I can totally relate.

It is not any different from a man's perspective. I can't
comment on what I have learned from my first marriage because
I never had a second one.

Twenty years goes by at what I thought was bliss for a marriage
and now I find it wasn't? Everybody we talked to wanted what we
had. I thought at that time nobody has what we have in our R.


I guess here is my point on what is the challenge:

If MLC is the tragic event that has become part of our lives
then we get to dig deep in ourselves to be the person we want to
be through this mess.

So now I look back 20 years and realize that out of the girlfriends that I did have, only 2 of them I would have
been able to see a long term relationship or marriage with
both ended up cheating on me before things got too far. Thank
God for that!! It is so much easier looking back and realizing
what a mess those 2 would have been.

My point here is that it happens to us men too.
So now we get to roll the dice again.
Not sure if I even want to stand up to the craps table at
this point.

So what is left?

How many women are going to want to be serious with a great father of 3 awesome boys?
(Seriously, 3 boys is a lot of testosterone and is not for the faint of heart)

How many women are going to share the same values, morals and beliefs?

How many women are going to be good in bed? (This question has to be asked (Sorry).

How many women won't be smokers? For me that is important because
a smoker will kind of kill it for me when I am kissing them.

How many women won't be heavy drinkers or drug users?

I can do the romance part, I love every part of that.

Ok, now they fill out the questionaire:

Have you ever cheated on your ex or boyfriend?

Have you ever been abused in your life? (Prepare for MLC in back
of mind).

Do you have any childhood abandonment issues?

I could go on but hopefully you see my point.

How many available women are left that fit all that criteria?

I could live my life alone with 50% time with my wonderful sons and be perfectly fine and also be quite happy

BUT!!

I would miss the intimacy.
I would miss the hand holding.
I would miss the sharing of our daily experiences.
I would miss the spiritual connections that we share.
I would miss the new adventures together.

I could go on and on here too.

I do know this though. Not enough time has gone by for healing for me. I know I will wait till this D is final before I can
even attempt to start a new R with a woman. I don't even think
it has anything to do with vows or values or morals because I am
not a martyr in this. I guess I never thought about cheating in my whole marriage so the idea of a different woman than my wife
being with me is so foreign in my head. Probably a good thing for now.

Warrior:
I am on the same boat. To add to that, I heard that wee seek the same type of person over and over and history repeats itself.

Hey Warrior


Dude, replace the word women up above with men and ya may have better luck. Just kidding…I couldn’t help myself.

On a serious note…..

Live your life being the man that you want to be and I am sure that the happiness (be it with your wife, another women or another man – sorry joke again) will come.

That is the gift in all of this. Finding YOU. Finding what makes you really happy. If that is being with a partner then trust me that day will come when it is suppose to come and how it is suppose to come.

Have a happy Turkey Day.

God Bless,
Eric