Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Is it okay to date if divorce is filed?

I agree every sitch and person is different. In my case my boys have suffered enough confusion from their Mother, they need one stable parent.

What is a few more months?

I also deeply believe in my vows.

I've been spending a lot of time thinking about this. I meant my vows when I said them. I still do love, honor and cherish my wife. That has not changed, but, I refuse to let my life be dictated by the failures and errors of someone that no longer loves, honors nor cherishes me.

I also know, that I am a better person when I am pursuing something. I'll get back to the old me much faster if I go on a few dates. Yes, setting expectations is important. I'm in no place to be anything other then 100% honest with any potential dates. I would totally respect anyone that wouldn't date me because I'm still married. Actually I'd find that quite attractive.

Having kids may make it different though.

My wife was effectively dating a married man(her old boss) only a week after she filed. I wore my ring for 6 months, stuck to my vows, and DB'd like M.W.D. herself.

I look back on that now and think of how dumb I must have looked to my W.

I went on a date with a stranger at about the 10 month post filing mark. The date was over and I never spoke to that person again. It did help me realise that I was still ok. That I could carry on after divorce.

My divorce was final a couple months ago and I am doing fine. I am starting to formulate what it is I want in a partner and along the way I will meet a lot of intersting people.

Ok, I think that once the vows are broken by the infidel, it is fine for the victim to go ahead and date if they want to.

I mean seriously, I have seen people here say that marriage and/or divorce is "just a piece of paper" anyway and that the "true" marriage and/or divorce takes place in the heart.

So, once the infidel stomps your heart, are you even still married?

And, thank you in advance for sparing me the "unconditional-love-take-my-wedding-vows-seriously...." crap.

Thanks.

Again, I agree everyone is different.

What i am doing in the face of the ultimate disrespect is by no means a judgement on someone else.

I don't think my decision is making me righteous in any way. Personally dating will not help me heal, and it is not done in the purpose of pursuit. I am like 99% of the people here, my marriage is over.

I think that's up to you to decide, and you alone.

Personally, I think once a spouse tells you they are done, there is no chance for reconciliation, and they follow through by filing for divorce and become (or are) involved with another person, you owe them nothing. Therefore, it has to be about you. If you have children, it also has to be about them and how you think it will effect them if they find out that you are dating. That's the one I struggle with. The children are hurt enough under these circumstances.

My journey has had me out dating, not for anything other than to boost my confidence. You need that once you have been stomped on by your spouse. I still go out on dates, they are fun like a game or a night out at the club. it usually ends up with a group of friends, so it is harmless.

As long as the other person knows its just about going out and having a good time, whats the problem?

Since we are all this board....what if your spouse files, then has a change of heart a few weeks before the D is final? Would you entertain taking them back?

My decision is for my kids, they are confused enough. One parent has already flipped their lid....

Lost,

I didn't realize that your W left on the same day as mine. Fortunately for me we do not have kids and she went dark so deatching has been easier for me. I understand where you are coming from with your kids, but I do think that wants you detach further and continue GAL'ing that maybe you will see the benefits of dating.