I can only tell you how I felt afterward. Relieved to not have to feel bad anymore. I took my maiden name back which annoyed my ex but I was pretty annoyed myself. I took my life back too.
As I said we actually were very friendly with each other and kept in close contact. What was a scream is he wanted to sleep with me then and I actually did once. I've never told anyone that before! Any lingering doubts were quickly put to rest. He wanted to remarry and swore he would be different. By that time I'd met my future husband and it was all over but the shouting then. My new guy was just way to entertaining to go back to an oatmeal diet.
As for my ex - 2 1/2 years after we divorced he "rescued" this girl from the evil clutches of her live in that was beating her. She was a year older than him and had been married before. She had one child that interestingly enough belonged to her LOVER - not her husband. The former husband kicked her out when he found out. So in effect - he got his own mother. She even had black hair like his mother. I have seen him on rare occasions - my ex was a jealous fool on top of everything else and the woman he married was just as jealous of him as he had been of me. I couldn't have hand picked a better woman for him! I saw him oddly enough everytime I was pregnant! His little brother that had lived with us got married and insisted I be there (his little brother and I were extremely close. I was the only "mother" he'd had since he was 4 years old!!). I was 8 months pregnant with my second child. His new wife wasn't amused that I was there but that was her problem - not mine. Her husband was safe from me.
He lives not to far from my mother and according to his sister and aunt is doing just fine. He is now a grandfather. His own daughter seems to be like his wife and mother...baby but no husband.
It was kind of odd. A few years ago my son went to work at a local grocery store. My ex's son is a little younger than my son and they worked together! My son thought his son was a hoot and my son told him one day "Hey, my mom used to be married to your dad!" It is a small world.
I hope he is happy for the most part. Every now and then I hope he says to himself I really fricked up! That is just me being a tiny bit spiteful but just a little!
I hope that you have someone to discuss this with face to face. It is hard I know because I have been there. But sometimes if you can just let go of all of it is a relief. If you don't have a Starbuck's friend (my best friend and I go to Starbucks every Tuesday night and hash over just about everything!) get you one. You don't even have to tell them the "big deal" but remember to take time for yourself. It does help!
If he is not willing to go to couseling, kick him out. You guys are mismatched and you don't want to admit it. Get out now before there are kids involved.
