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I feel ready to move on and have had 2 relationships since my divorce. Two differetn extremes of relationships. G1 was needy and G2 distant. I think this demonstrates the need to practice at dating for a while.

Dont we all carry regret over the failure of the marriage, the consequences of which landed at our kids feet? As a mother I carry tremendous guilt at what I did and didnot do.

Did this guilt manifest itself in either of these 2 past relationships ? G1 was so needy I suffocated. Possibly his only fault and I eill say it has taken and is still work in progress for him to get the message. I am so petrified of hurting another human being as I had done in the past and have had done to me.

I was told to be on my own for at least a year before dating again. Anyone else been given such advice ?

Interesting. I will say that I'm so new to this that I reserve the right to change my mind about everything here.

I seem to have taken the exact oppisite message from the demise of my marriage. I was cheated on and lied to and dumped while still on the other side of the world. Luckily we have no kids. What have I learned from this? The ability to heal and the need to dissapoint sometimes.

In my next relationship if it is not right, I'll have no qualms about ending it. Yes it will hurt them, but I'm not afraid of that. I have absolutely NO desire to hurt anyone, but I really don't want to go on in something if both parties are not 100%. It will hurt MUCH more in the end.

Great post.



Yes I have heard this several times. To wait 1 year after the D is final to date again.



I think that is very healthy.

I don't think there is a standard set period of time to wait to start dating. I think that factors effecting that decision are how long have you truly been detached from your eX and how long have you already been separated from them and on your own. I have been living separate from my STBXW for more than a year now and if my divorce was over tomorrow, I would most likely start dating fairly quickly. I have actually already gone out on a few meet and greets but nothing too serious, at least not on my end.

BA

I have also heard the one month for every year or even a couple of months for every year you were married. I didn't feel ok with dating for about a year and a half. Then I got my fingers burned and went back into my shell. I am ready to give it a go again. I need to get over my cold first.

kat

So I'm curious. For those of you (like me) who were cheated on. After the A ended, and don't they all, did your ex serial date? Or did they go through a reflective/remorseful/mourning stage as well.

Ummm, my ex married his affair partner just a few weeks ago. He was really torn it seemed when I first found out about the affair. How could he love us both? He must love her because he had the 24/7 excitement feeling. Must not have loved me for a long time. Those are his issues. I worked through that a couple of years ago. Can't make a crazy man see reason.

kat

LOL. Feel better soon, Kat

I think a lot of the folks having As serial date or move on pretty quickly... it seems it's over in their minds. At minimum, they go out a lot. When H and I separated he was out all the time, going to clubs like a 21 yr old.

I agree. How can anyone who was crapped on and abandoned not feel anger, resentment, sadness etc even years after it happened. It will always be there to some extent. IMO to say otherwise is denial.

It's how you deal with it that matters. And just because I still have both possitive and negative feelings towards my XW does not mean I can not have a new and sucessful R with somebody new.

Everybody has baggage at our age. Its what you do with it that matters. My new girl will benefit from both my mistakes as well as my XWs mistakes. Ironic but true. There are lessons in that baggage for everyone.

My new girl is going to be amazing!