because when a person wants to be with you they show and tell you. they say things like "when will i see you again" and "you should spend the night." They talk about the future and over look your past ways. they donot hope you find someone else.
because when a person wants to be with you they show and tell you. they say things like "when will i see you again" and "you should spend the night." They talk about the future and over look your past ways. they donot hope you find someone else.
in no way is this discouragement. it is reality.
This is part of what I'm confused about. In the course of dinner she also said that she wanted this to be a once a month practice....that she wanted to have dinner at my house as well....that she had no difficulty with my coming over to see the children whenever I wanted. Back last fall, when she knew I was dating, she was quite unhappy with it and made repeated cracks (ie sarcastic reference to my being "Casanova"). She also said (several months ago): "If only you had handled things differently and not dated I know we could have worked it out.".
Wow Dazed, I am sorry you are here and really feel for your situation. It has been a long time. I'm hoping that I don't drag out for this long, but who knows.
I think you should just keep doing what you are doing at the moment.
What are your goals?
Do you want to reunite with your W eventually, or do you just want to move on? I know that is a very difficult question that I struggle with every day myself. Only you can make that decision.
You seen to be doing the right things. I think you just need to continue to move forward, let her spew and not take it too seriously. She is obviously still very conflicted and confused. Make your decisions for you and your kids and keep on living your life the way YOU want to. Be happy.
Sorry I don't have anything more difinitive than that.
She's rationalizing. This is good, it means you are doing the right things Dazed. You are listening, confirming and setting solid boundries. Whether it works out or not, your starting to command some respect, healing and moving forward. She probably doesnt understand how you can appear to be struggling less than she is. She didnt plan on this.
Formerly SGfan M:38 W:33 M:8 yrs T:10 yrs Bomb: Dec '08 Separated: 4/18/09 Divorce: 8/28/09 XW Affair began: April 08
she also said (several months ago): "If only you had handled things differently and not dated I know we could have worked it out
This stinks of BS. She is putting blame back on you for her mistakes.
WM is right, she now she you happy. She, herself is not happy with her decision and is trying to bring you down.
Stay strong and don't fall into her game.
Bomb 8/09. Brief piecing 12/10. D-2/12 Two incredible kids D9,S6 Leading new life! “Success is not to be pursued; it is to be attracted by the person we become."
Journaling. She came over this afternoon (at my invitation) to attempt to address an outstanding legal issue. It digressed, very briefly, to relationship talk. In the course of the conversation there was nothing she said that gave me the impression that reconciliation is on her radar. She referred to our being very different people....how she believes she doesn't even know me....how I never did things to make her happy....how I never understood her and never will. She referred to my failure to copy the family photo albums for her as evidence of my not thinking of her. Ironically, I had been hanging onto the albums as part of a 180 - she often complained that I never gave her a Christmas card...something that was important to her. I had been compiling photos from the albums for a video montage of our family and time together. I was going to give it to her at Christmas. However, given the criticism I made the decision (perhaps unwisely) to show her my work in progress. It made her cry. Just before she left I referred to my potential for lack of trust in future relationship given the EA/PA. Shortly after her departure she sent the following text: "I never cheated that's why u can trust. I'm sorry if you're mad at me." I replied: "I'm not opening that can of worms! I'm not angry. Not at all. Neither of us wants a relationship where the other is not appreciated for who they are. On that we agree." One-half hour later she replied: "Video was beautiful". I did not reply further.
After my W's blow-up and as part of my relentless pursuit of making her happy, my D and I put together 2 photo albums of 1,000 pictures of the family from when the kids were little to the present. They were supposed to be gifts for Valentines day. Went through tons of photos while W was out at the bars with her "friends". She came home very late that night (almost 3am) and I was very upset. She proceeded to berate me for still being up and ruining her night out. We talked until 5am when she finally said we have to go to be. Had to be up at 7am for S's basketball game.
I pulled one of the photo albums out and gave it to her. She broke down in tears and called hersalf an a$$. 5 months later she filed for a "D". Nothing I did made any positive difference.
I don't know if there are any lessons there or just a similar story, but I thought I would relay it to you.
