Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers WAW 20 Years. Divorce to maybe possible R

P-cola,

It's been pointed out to you repeatedly that your wife doesn't take your WORDS seriously -- only your ACTIONS. I don't know why you'd continue to be befuddled by her not taking your words at face value.

Starsky

Wife: "I don't take anything you say seriously".

Pen: "You had better start taking me seriously or there will be consequences!".

Wife: "Are you serious? How about I take you seriously sometimes in the future instead?".

Pen: "I think she takes me seriously now".

Here's my 2 bits:

As long as what you do is about controlling her, you will fail. A boundary is not about controlling somebody else;it's about what you will allow to happen in your life.

You are failing because you want her to change what she is doing instead of accepting that she can do whatever she wants, but you don't have to put up with it

lol Time that is a funny conversation you made about me.

I understand what you are saying. I am not trying to chnage her, I am stating that I am not going to put up with it.

It is cruel. and that is not the woman I married and fell in love with.

Pen~



I think what Star and Time are trying to say is, you keep "stating" you won't put up with it, however you are because you aren't enforcing any boundaries. You stated the boundaries, yet aren't putting them into play.

No actions. Just words.

(((Hugs)))

I understand what is being said. My phone Coach advises me to maintain the boundary but allow the Wait and Watch step of LRT to develop.

The Boundary is stated. Done repeating it. I DO want her to break it off with OM, but on her choice and free will. I will know soon enough.

So what are you doing to make your own life better? Leave her out of the picture when you describe these things.

Pen~



What does that even mean?

Hunh?? Aren't "maintaining the boundary" and "waiting and watching" kind of, you know, OPPOSITES???





Starsky

Serenity,

What it means is I was correct to issue the boundary. That helps her understand what my limit is. I also have to recognize where I have come already and acknowledge that I have not allowed time to watch and see if my efforts are getting results.

The boundary is not a 5 minute or 2 hour 4 day boundary. IF the results are not monitored and acheived the boundary is enforced.

He is suggesting a little patience. The movements of my WAW indicate to my coach and I can see also, that she is starting to approach the R. It has to be on her terms with her choice. THis is after all about me not controlling the outcome.. if I force her to drop OM, she could just lie about it.

I have the luxury of time. Hell 1 week ago there was zero chance today there is a definite maybe possible..