Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Moving Further Along...

Irish,

This is so d@mn spot on. This is what is likely to happen in

my sitch. All you can do is what you have been doing and I know

you are growing. It is not the end of the world although I feel

that way sometimes too. My W truly does love me and I am willing

to bet that your H loves you too. My W has said it to me as well

but the coping mechanism is to run. Divorce, which is running

away from the LBS, is the only thing that makes sense to them in

the state they are in AT THIS TIME. When they finally do realize

it was not the LBS who is the cause of their unhappiness, IF

they figure that out, then they will begin to look within. Then

the hard work begins. They realize then that this is their doing

and the guilt and pain would be overwhelming. I know it would be

for me if I behaved like they have to the LBS. I did not see

that at first, but now after calming down a bit for months, I

can see that facing the immense guilt could be a problem.

Imagine the understanding and compassion WE will need to not

scare them away then because they will be so vulnerable at that

point. A legal divorce is only a piece of paper. YOUR MARRIAGE

was made as a covenant with God. Until that wayward spouse finds

another and gets married again, your divorce really is not over.

Even if the spouse gets married, it STILL may not be over.

How do I know this? The OM in my sitch already did it once

and the wayward W after 2 years ran back to her original

husband. My W is the one who told me this! That is how

messed up our spouses can be during this.

This is the hardest sh!t you will probably ever have to go

through in your life. I am betting it will also be the most

meaningful thing in your life as well. How you deal with this

will define you. It HAS to. YOU are a strong woman. I know you

are.

What is it? 3-5 years? Is legal divorce a requirement? Is having

a live-in a requirement? Is multiple OM's/OW's a requirement?

Is abusive behavior a requirement?

I know this stuff is tough. It HAS to run its course though.

I am in my 9th month of after bombdrop which included her filing

for divorce as a side dish. I totally get where you are right

now. I also know that YOU being here is the right place for you

if you want to accept the help. There are so many good folks

here. I learned that over this weekend how fortunate we all are

here.

Too late to edit. I meant seeking not Irish.

Now I am confused. I switched screens. Irish is the one that I

meant. I need to stop the caffiene!!!

TOO MUCH LITLE FRIDAY LIVE!

You said it. It really was an eye opener.

Seeking,

Where have you been? I had to search pages for you. Catch us up on your sitch.

Knock knock, anyone home?

From the conversation above that the MLCer must get their divorce. Remember that D comes in many forms - emotional, physical, legal. My H was 2 for 3, but he never did anything legally.

Yes, Seeking, how ARE you?

GAG

Hey Punkin, WCW & GAG,

Thanks for stopping by!

I've been busy helping S26 and DIL move from my house into their first home. I'm very excited for them! A little sad at the same time as this big old house only has 4 of us rattling around in it now.

My house and property were bought with the intention that if the kids wanted to build on it they could. S26 and DIL were going to do just that as DIL is into horses, too.

Then MLC hit and H left. He handed over his half of the mortgage to S26 saying that he would legally sign it over to him. After S26 asked several times when that was going to happen and his Dad would say yeah, I have to get that taken care of. It didn't and there was no sign it was going to. S and DIL got tired of sinking money into a place that wasn't legally theirs. In figuring it all out S realized he wasn't going to be able to pay half the mortgage and afford to build a house, too.

Anyway, S and DIL saw me through some very dark days and I will be forever grateful for that. It's time they truly are able to start their life in a home of their own. It's only about an 1/8 of a mile up the road and that allows DIL to keep her horses on the farm and for the kids to work it.

Only downside is that I now am going to be paying for everything, including H's half of the mortgage. Wonder if he'll give me the same deal and just sign it over to me in a quit claim deal??? This is MLC and I'm not banking on anything at this point. LOL

That's my little update.

Have a great day everyone!

SA - This is an exhausting journey, isn't it...I've been thinking that it's been more the a year since our H's left and new issues and struggles keep coming. As everyone else in here I also agree that divorce is something that some spouses need to go through in their MLC process. We have all seen examples of R after divorce.

Happy for your S & DIL getting their own place...are you going to be able to pay the mortgage on your own if H doesn't step in?

Have a nice Sunday

(((hugs)))