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I have not pushed on MC since asking her yesterday if she would go and she said would think about it. She talked on the phone to her sister for 2 hours last night in the back yard. Unusual in the last 2 weeks.

This morning, we made small talk, and I told her I slept better than I had in weeks, and she said "it always feels better to talk to someone face to face" and then said have a nice day and went to work.

I am doing my goal setting and monitoring results. I am not persuing and I am not mentioning anything other than current events. I am also dark on the text and phone calls and IM's.

We are also renovating our master bath and the "future talk" is there..

mixed signals for sure.

Tonight is her awards ceremony for Tae Kwondo.. her EA OM will be there. I am not mentioning it and I am not invited to it.

Life goes on

This is one of the hardest things to deal with, at least for me. You will hear some of the "future" talk, things about next year, she'll use "we" a lot, "us", on and on. We are all here to save out M so, naturally, we take all of this as a good thing. And it may be, but keep the goals you have set in mind and try to stay on an even keel.

Things will not improve the the way you want them to and the way they need to while the OM is in the picture. PERIOD.

Pay attention to her actions and put much less faith in her words.

Idont,

good advice thanks.

Hard to get the OM out of the picture if they are in the same Tae Kwondo class and she is so heavily invested emotionally in that Class.. her and my son are in Tae Kwondo.. it is a booster for her and if I right now told her no tae kwondo she would boot me.. I am not in a position to give her an ultimatum yet.

on a PLUS side, she texted me this morning saying she WOULD go to MC on Monday onthe condition we bring our son. she said she will sit with the MC while I help him do his homework. So that is more of a committment I have since the Bomb was dropped.

Staying in step this weekend with the 180's and the LRT.

Pen~



Sorry but no, there are plenty of options that don't involve bringing another man into your marriage. My H spent 20 years in the military, deployed at least half that time and not once in all the times I was "lonely" did I ever bring another man into it.

Give her some money to buy a couple of toys, not permission to cheat on you.


The last thing the two of you need right now is MC...IC yes, MC not at this point in time.

(((Hugs)))

.
Ultimatums are bad for a R. Learn to set boundaries and be willing to enforce them.

A boundary gives the person a choice in a loving way. Ultimatums are controlling.

What's this all about???

Serenity, I am glad you and your husband were able to do those deployments without you having an affair. The MC is not to "fix" the marriage right now, it is to get her to move to a Neutral place to be able to TRIAGE the R. I have no hope of fixing it if she is getting all her positive reinforcement from EA OM... She refuses to look at the future, because she is busy rewriting the past.. about how unhappy she is..

gr8, I know? Thats what I mean about mixed signals.. I have no idea.. I didnt pressure though.. I simply asked her to go she said she would think about it then this morning the texts..

P-cola,

I think you need to value yourself more. Even just your TIME. To be a homework babysitter, while your wife "sits with the MC" seems like she's throwing you a bone, to me.

Maybe it's just me.

Starsky

gr8 can you explain how you would set a boundry on this?

Agree with her on that one. It won't change until you agree.

Starsky,
Got you. I would see that if this was the 4-5 visit.. this is the FIRST positive step she hass taken in 2 weeks to address the marriage at all.. so I have agreed to her term.. she did blow me off last MC session.. this time she is making a compromise. If it continues I will consider the imposition on my time. I still am with my Son..