So... she's angry? I have never told anybody not to protect themselves. Never, not once. In fact, I recommend that they do protect themselves and their children and make building a better life for themselves and their children their focus when a marriage is in trouble.
Do you think this anger is making your STBXW happy? The root of all anger is fear... if you dig deep enough. Sometimes it's rational, and sometimes it's not, but for whatever reason... she's afraid of something, and like a scared, angry child... she's lashing out at you.
I think that covers the empathy angle except to re-iterate: she's not lost in some fog, she's not some alien, but she is a scared and angry human whose perspective doesn't appear to be really making her happy, and she blames you for whatever reason(s) she thinks she has.
Protect yourself by all means. Protect your kids. Live a good life and deal with what you must, but don't fall into the same kind of trap she has fallen into.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
The more she's in your head, the harder it is to move forward. It's akin to keeping Rosie going even when ED is staring (or drooping) right atcha. A lot of energy that goes nowhere.
I sympathize with your situation, the whole school conference, missed doctor's appointments for the kids. It's like you have to do things in duplicate, triplicate... sending a reminder text about the doctor's appointment to her and having to document it on the court ordered web site. The ole CYA.. all the way.
Funny thing is .. teachers, doctors know all about divorced parents and the resulting friction. Many do individual conferences with each parent and/or at least a phone call. For me it was like learning a whole new way of doing things... like paying half the medical co-pay and having a bill for the remaining amount sent to the former spouse.
Parenting is about taking responsibility... and if she isn't following up on necessary appointments for Themselves then it should be documented.
Anyway.... Your script should be more like an opera (I-I-I) then chichi (she-she). Let go of the blame and go on with your game.
