I wouldn't go with her to the reunion. I would tell her "W, I am not interested in pretending to be a happily married couple just for the sake of appearances." Then politely thank her for the invite and do something else that night.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I wouldn't go with her to the reunion. I would tell her "W, I am not interested in pretending to be a happily married couple just for the sake of appearances." Then politely thank her for the invite and do something else that night.
I would't but I'm getting some serious BBQ (trust me - where I live there's some BBQ!!!) and beer. I will know a couple of guys there as well. It is only for 3 hours, then I plan on going and doing my own thing after.
M 06/08 D10, D8 1st S 05/10 I move out Move back 07/10 same bed then me in guest room 2nd S 09/10 W out one week W back 09/10 W in guest room D-bomb 10/10 S - living together No D yet filed
Well... Finally had the discussion... The "reality" discussion... My STBXW stayed out all night. Don't know with who or where. Doesn't matter. She came home and asked about a Facebook post I had put up thanking the universe for a positive thing happening, "What is the Universe???" is what she said. (I had a good night talking with my folks and hanging out... that's all.) I just told her nothing.
She flipped out, told me she had just removed me as her friend on facebook and that I was being ridiculous... I calmly asked "wasn't removing me as a friend childish??" and she then changed it to "fine. then all communication will be business only!!! That's how you want it!!!" I said "well... we are getting a divorce? What do you expect? We aren't gonna be best buddies anymore. I would love nothing more than to be that to you. To see you every day and share everything with you. That was why I asked you to be my wife. You told me you want a divorce. That means you don't want to be my wife anymore. What did you think it would mean??? No answer...
She then says "OK, I'm the bad guy. It's all my fault. You didn't contribute anything to us getting a divorce!!!" I responded with "No, I didn't. I contributed 50% to getting our marriage where it is, but I have never said I wanted a divorce, so I won't take resonsibility for one happening. I wanted to try to work on the marriage and the problems. I wanted to try and not tear apart everything. You did not. You said you weren't willing and that you were done. I did not. So yes, I am saying I did not contribute to the divorce, and I still don't want one. That leaves me no alternative but to treat you as though we are getting a divorce, and that means I am no longer that person to you. You can always change your mind, but I can't change it for you."
She said "OK.. your the winner!! You win the argument!!" I then said "No, I loose. I loose my home, my family, my wife, my extended family and some of my friends. I loose my life as I know it. I don't know what you think you've won, but that is up to you to figure out, not me." It was left with me stating that she can always change her mind because I still don't, and never will want the divorce, but I have to proceed as though one is going to happen because I have no alternative right now... She then just stayed in her dark, depressing guest/bedroom and layed there.
Funny part is I still don't know if she wants me to go to the BBQ reunion tonight. I would go and enjoy myself, or I'll find something else to do... doesn't really matter to me... really...
Gee... Think I handled it right?? Not sure, but I was honest and that counts for something right???
M 06/08 D10, D8 1st S 05/10 I move out Move back 07/10 same bed then me in guest room 2nd S 09/10 W out one week W back 09/10 W in guest room D-bomb 10/10 S - living together No D yet filed
These posts make me crazy! While there MAY be another guy, she MAY have just been hanging out with friends or trying to think, whatever! Another casualty, you appear to at least be trying to be honest about what is going on and taking responsibility for your part in this fiasco. I know it's painful and your first reaction is self-preservation, as it should be. BUT, you will gain nothing by pretending to be involved with someone else unless you are?? Most of your posting appears to be an honest look at yourself and taking responsibility, but word games can backfire. Keep working on your issues. She doesn't trust you to take care of her, kind of a "get out before he does or hurts me" mentality. If she really isn't having and affair, you can still win her back. I know patience is a pain in the butt, but, you seem to have a pretty good grasp of the situation. Don't let her use you, but don't walk away until you need to. By the way, I hope you went to the bbq. You aren't divorced and it probably would have been funn to see your friends.
