Careful not to lie to yourself. Is it to see how you feel, or see if the other lady accepts? Once you asked the other lady, I think you have no choice. But of course, you do.
I would tell her that you don't want to get in the way of her relationship, and that you think it is wonderful that she is seeing someone - maybe something not as formal as a ball can happen as friends. Don't look to her as back-up for the other lady.....
You asked the other lady because you weren't comfortable with church_35 and her bf baggage so I'm with VH, you ditch her nicely and see what happens with your other request. Don't play games with yourself. If you end up with nobody to go with, then go alone and maybe you'll meet somebody...who knows!
You could be completely honest and tell church_35 that you were hoping to go with a date and you are good being friends, but this occasion you really wanted a date. Don't go with her as friends when you know you were hoping to maybe be a little more because then the whole night might be awkward.
It sounds to me like when you asked her she knew there was a possibility of a bf which is why she wanted to wait to tell you until Monday because she was meeting the guy. She probably didn't know how it would go so she was ok to say yes maybe right away, but didn't know if she would be available or not to date. To me, it sounds like the bf is brand new.
Me29 S3 H left 4/1/09 I file 8/2/10 Divorce final 5/17/11 1st http://www.tinyurl.com/25lhu52 2nd http://www.tinyurl.com/2c35ueg 3rd http://www.tinyurl.com/322yk89
Chuck Norris could take both ladies to the ball. They would not know of each others presence. And they both would have the best time ever.
HAHAHA!!
CTH, don't sweat it- in the grand scheme of things it's small stuff and none of us needs any unnecessary stress. My 2 cents: just go with Church_35 if she said ok. If she didn't think it was ok for her she wouldn't have said yes. Just go as friends and have a great time.
As for the other lady...it's a bit tricky but I'd call her up and tell her you can't go due to something unexpected coming up. And if you want- could you make it up to her? Invite her to coffee/dessert or something.
Me: 35|WAW: 38|D: 6yo | http://tinyurl.com/2dxx7m6 Feb 2006, left, came back in two weeks Aug 2006, left again Apr 2007, filed for divorce Dec 2007, reunited Mar 2010, moved out, filed again
I think the thing is that CTY feels taking another guy's gf to a ball is unethical and therefore it would be an issue for him to do so. I respect that! His feelings in this regard are important and in the "grand scheme of things" called life it is a huge deal to follow your feelings of right versus wrong. By taking her he's setting himself up for a situation that could put him in a spot where he might follow his bliss (as cheating spouses do). Why put himself in that situation? I say he phones her makes his apologies and tells her of his upcoming vasectomy surgery on that day which he'd forgotten about! Honesty is the best policy.
CTH, I say tell Church35 you don't feel comfortable taking her since she has a boyfriend. If she says, "No it's okay" tell her you don't feel that way and end it at that.
If the other lady accepts, awesome. If not, go alone and have yourself a grand 'ol time!
