Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers My Situation - any thoughts or ideas

Sorry, I'm with pinhead on this one. All the warning signs are there.

Time to know for certain, because your M/R will go no where if there is OM involved. It could be EA only, could be someone not at work, but someone your W is communicating with a ton while at work and leading her to be there long hours just to get everything done

My W is a therapist in private practice. There's no one that she works with other than 3 other practitioners (all female) that she shares space with. She works long hours because she has a long commute (1.5 hours) and see's patients all day. She does this because for both financial reasons and just dedication to her patients. She is very good at what she does and receives much positive feedback and I think that leads her to want to do more.

I have seen no indication whatsoever of either a EA or PA. I don't snoop, but I know her email and FB passwords and she knows I know them.

However....In an attempt to GAL, I told her Thursday that I was going out this weekend and asked if Fri or Sat was better. She said either, so I made plans with a male friend for Fri. I did not disclose anything to W about where I was going or with whom. Then on Sat afternoon, she tells me that "she's going to get out of here for a bit tonight if I don't mind". I said sure. I know she was just trying to match what I did and score a point for her.

She dressed nicely, but not over the top. She left home at 6 and returned at 11 (I was gone 2.5 hours when I went out). I have no idea where she was or what she was doing.

We have both committed twice to no dating while we're still living together and she says she's honoring that commitment.

Also...she tells me this morning that she's having stomach problems and it's nothing new. I know she feels horrible (as do I). She is down a lot and very moody.

I also know that when I've made up my mind and feel strongly and committed about something, I feel great. It's during the decision process when I have trouble.

She clearly doesn't feel great (other's have comments to me about how horrible she looks). That to me is an indication of conflict on her part. True or wishful thinking on my part?

Also, if there was an EA/PA wouldn't I expect her to want to move on quickly? Instead we've agreed to live together until the house sells - which could be many months. I know if I wanted somebody else, I'd want them now, not in 6 or 12 months.

In advertising it's called selling the sizzle, not the steak. She's having the best of both worlds: the excitement of an affair, and the appearance of being a good wife and mother...

Should I just ask her? I remain 99% convinced she's not and don't want to do anything to drive her away like snooping. Would asking drive her away? I guess if she was she'd lie anyway....

Don't ask her, she'd just lie.

If I were in your shoes, I'd try and find out. Email, phone records, FB pages/messages, everything.

I would not ask unless you have proof that it's true.

Also, she really wants to be friends. Both for us and for the kids. Part of me wants that too, because I love her dearly and can't think of losing her completely and for the sake of the kids.

Another part of me says no way. It is too painful to be around her and not with her.

Back on the other hand, my best case for winning her back is to start with friendship. But what about tough love and making her feel the lose?

Uggggg, it's enough to make a crazy man go crazier....