Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Divorced, But Not Done Back on the boards...but not sure why

IMO your R with your H works better based on the distance between you physically. The words work great to bring you together but when you are physically trying to live in the same space the R falls apart in a short time.

I wish all the best for you.

Are you enjoying your current location? it's due to start getting cold here again....frozen hoses....ugh.

Opti, I think what you are going through is completely normal and expected concerning your situation. I think most of us would find there are more similarities than differences (only the name have been changed to protect the...).

I would say that your last post is exactly why several divorce programs encourage people to wait for a period of time before dating again. We have gone through so many emotional upheavals and the last thing we really need is to be in a relationship even though it can make us "feel" cared about. Unfortunately, it usually leads to more heartache and sorrow.

I do agree with Michele on this topic, encouraging people to find other healthy activities such as a new hobby or other outlet.

Hugs to you, (((Opti))) how ya doing?

Hey NNP!

How am I doing? Well I'm not checking these boards very often, obviously!

Life is so tough, trying to hold down a job, take care of myself, and take care of my son and all his special needs at school. I keep hoping that one day things will not be so stressful.

Anyway... Conversation with XH continue. He's super nostalgic about us. I let myself be pulled back in. Maybe I'm deluded (yet again) but I feel like it's OK for now. I keep saying it's my goal to go out on a date. Just a simple date, to keep my perspective. But it hasn't happened yet. Have my eye on one prospect, but haven't made any moves.

XH is working on retirement plans. It would be nice if he moved out to where I am with our son and could be a present father. But we'll see. He's still several months out from where any serious decisions will have to be made. I'm actually contemplating a trip for my son and I to go see him on the other coast. I have a airline pass for a companion traveler to use, so we'd both have to go... not sure if it'll happen or not.

In any case, I'm starting to beat myself up less for feelings I have for XH and decisions I've made and will make. What matters most is how it impacts my son (which is a big consideration for this trip). Whether I end up back with my XH one day or not doesn't mean having feelings for him right now is wrong or even that acting on them is wrong. Maybe it's possible to be friends with him despite having romantic feelings for him. I don't know...when I'm introduced to his girlfriend my tune may change in a big way. But hopefully, I'd eventually come back around to wanting a friendship.

How are you doing?

My STBX says that he wants to remain friends. Perhaps keeping that door open even after D could lead to a reconnection. I believe you have to haev that before you can have a reconcilation.

Perhaps I'm fooling myslef too. I want what some of you want and that's to have my married life back. I know it will be better this time around.