Mr. A and I have been divorced now for a little over two months.
Three measly days after our D was final, Mr. A sidled up to me with his sweet talk and I fell for it. He didn't apologize or say that he wanted me back forever, he just slipped back into my life with as little explaining as possible.
Not only did I allow it, but I totally embraced it!
My friends on this board warned me that his intentions might not be pure, so I stopped coming to the board very much.
In the past two months, we've had some good times and some bad times. The biggest difference is my current mental state.
I think Mr. A is cheating on me again or at least looking to cheat again. (Yes, you all warned me!) This time, I will not tolerate it. IMHO, George W. Bush said one smart thing during his presidency: "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me."
So that's where things stand with Mr. A and me. I feel like he's fooling me twice. And not always being very nice or kind, either! I've continued to make an effort to work things out with him, but he vacillates. And he behaves badly.
Warning - I may come out sounding like a real bitter b**ch in my next few posts, but I'm pretty fed up with our situation. I'm almost positive that he's pursuing other women - most likely the affair partner that he left me for! - and I'm totally over his philandering. I have no use for it whatsoever.
OTOH, I still want to give him every chance possible to succeed, I don't want to assume the worst, and I want to try to find out what makes this man I married tick. I don't know after 12 years so I may never know, but I'm still trying.
My next post will be the email that I sent him tonight. If nothing else, I want to learn for the future how to relate better in intimate relationships...
Here's the email that I sent to Mr. A earlier this evening:
Dear Mr. A,
Spending time with you again over the past couple of months has been great. I never expected it and it's been an awesome surprise. Lately - like in the past couple of weeks - I've especially appreciated that you seem much more tolerant and willing than you used to be to deal with little annoyances as they come up. Thank you for doing that. I won't forget that you've made a real effort. (And I also seriously loved meeting you at work the other day - that was awesome:)
I'm emailing you because there's something that's been bothering me for a couple days. It's important for you to know that I don't want to be involved with a man who's pursuing other women. If you're doing that now, please tell me right away.
I bring this up simply because, honestly, your conversations and texting with ["your friend Chris"] haven't been sitting right with me. But I don't want to start making up stories in my head about what's "really" going on - I would rather hear things from you.
If I'm mistakenly accusing you of doing something that you're not, I am so so sorry. So sorry. But if you are involved (or trying to get involved) with someone else, please tell me now. It would really mean the most to me for you to be honest.
Only one question... why do you have any expectation that he would tell you the truth? He is getting what he wants from you, why would he do anything to change that?
Oops, you already answered - we were cross-posting! Well thank you for answering, and I will try not to. Depends on a lot of things, like first of all how he answers!
Just stay calm. He's going to say you have nothing to worry about. Which is most likely not true, though we don't really know.
He's got no motivation to tell you the truth, or to prove a thing to you. He is getting what he wants.
If you really want him back (not going to pass judgement on that) you have to STOP IT, in my opinion. He has to show you that he is serious, for real. So far, he just uses you. And then you hope....
