just a brief recap. physically apart for about 5 months now. nc for about 3 months. h has avoided me the entire time - used to play at the same squash club as me but now avoids the club entirely. i do not call, text, email, whatnot. he gained weight, i look fine.
ball in my court on separation agreement. 7 months ago, i laid out plan A. very fair offer. h did not agree - called me names, etc. h said no. he laid out plan B. little did h know, plan B would cost him more in the end. h said he wanted this over with as quickly as possible. you want plan B and quickly? you got it.
within a month, i got my stuff to my l. i'm good to go. several months later, h still does not have his crap together. instead, he wrote a long rant to his l on how unfair the process is to him.
his l called my l and said look, i think we should go with plan A and call it a day. he thinks he can convince my h to go with my original plan. my l asked me what i wanted.
i'm furious. after all this time and money wasted .. after the name-calling and accusations, we go back to plan A which is what i suggested from day 1? i want to say nfw. but it would be nice to get it over with quickly and move on.
what would pdt suggest? he always set me straight from a moral standpoint. i'm not looking for legal advice. i'm looking for a way to decide without letting my emotions get the best of me.
at this point, i don't even think this m is salvageable. he sees $$$ as more important than human beings. how can you love someone like that?
what bothers me is that he said i was a procrastinator and i never get the job done. i had no idea where those comments were coming from. he couldn't even follow through on his own suggestion of plan B. he couldn't get the job done. and he had the balls to say that i was lazy?
my emotions want to make him suffer the consequences of his actions. if i choose plan A, i let him off easy. and that's something i'm having a very difficult time doing. he had his way the entire time. when will it be my turn?
what bothers me is that he said i was a procrastinator and i never get the job done. i had no idea where those comments were coming from. he couldn't even follow through on his own suggestion of plan B. he couldn't get the job done. and he had the balls to say that i was lazy?
my emotions want to make him suffer the consequences of his actions. if i choose plan A, i let him off easy. and that's something i'm having a very difficult time doing. he had his way the entire time. when will it be my turn?
When you let go and invest your energy in yourself instead of on your STBXH.
Letting him off easy or not won't matter in five years, will it? I would say just go with Plan A, as long as the terms (not how you got to where you are) are acceptable. Try to separate the "facts" from the "emotion". There's no need to put yourself through a longer ordeal, and pay the lawyers more money, just to get back at him.
He is always going to tell himself a story about how things happened, and it probably isn't going to be very closely related to the truth. There's nothing you can do about that, so it's not worth worrying about.
As far as suffering the consequences of his actions, I think he will. You might not see it, you might never know, but if you can hold your head up, that's the important thing.
thanks everyone. i think i always knew that plan A was more than generous. usually the person who wants out would leave the lbs with a bit more to compensate for the hurt they've caused. but my h wanted the whole cake and leave me destitute. so he came up with plan B. he thought plan B would be to his advantage. but in reality, it would have left him with less. he's that stupid. it's no wonder i managed the household.
he screwed up every step of the way. from dropping the d-bomb, to selling our home, to the separation agreement. if i didn't step in to fix each and every one of these mistakes, we would be broke. i guess i'm tired of fixing the problems he's created. every time he creates a problem, i'm the one to blame for it. he needs to learn what living without me saving his sorry a$$ is like.
sorry to dump this on you. i've agonized over it for days. i had this post for pdt last week and just as i wanted to hit 'submit', the board went down.
If you want it to be over with and can live with plan A, do it. Don't worry about him suffering, karma is a bitch and he'll get what's deserved someday.
