Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Facing the music

I am very glad you took it that way.

I know that the 30 days is your wife's idea, several times now.

But, that her deadline DOESN'T have to be your deadline.


You are moving back to the States and have to find a new job anyway, what does it hurt to locate one in Denver...not if a good one comes up, but just determine Denver right now.

Look, almost every LBS here can say that their spouse was 100% done. Yours? By your own admission say she isn't, doesn't know or is trying.

What if she is only 40% sure she wantsd to be married?

Does that mean Seattle?

You moving out of state, YOU pretty much end this.

And she goes to 100% certain you're done and she is done because you showed her she in unforgivable.

I also...personally worry when a man weighs his marriage against his job. See I'll bet you are very successful, but when you die, is your job going to the one that has fond memories of you? Shed tears? Or your family? The one your born into and the one you choose.

Is it pursuing?

Ummmmm....should you live in...Malaysia? Maybe try working on dating and building a romance from there with her? That would pretty much show no signs of co-dependancy or pursuing.

To live close enough to work on your marriage together...is not pursuing.

Driving by her house 12 times, and calling her to see her 48 times a day is...and over the top creepy. THAT is the ultimate in pursuing.

And you know what you're going to learn here if you stick?

Your marriage is all up to you the LBSer, it lives or dies because of you. Nursing it back, but if like a doctor you call it dead?

It is dead.

The story is a little more complex. We own a beautify house at 8000' behind Boulder. It is currently rented out until April. In my fantasy world. I move back to Denver on a 6 month lease, get a good job, and try to reconcile. Living apart for 6 months we'd see how it goes, and if well, we moving back into our house in the mountains.

I guess the strongest thing to do is to go back to Denver. There are good jobs there, though fewer than Seattle, and GAL. I'm a skier, so I'm sure I can hook up with some folks to hit the slopes with over the winter.

Maybe if W is so uncommitial after 30 days, it means I should start dating. NOTHING serious, but it is what I'd do anyway after the D.

You have 30 something days. Buy the book read it, get a feel for the 'tactics' air quotes because...until you see how these tactics should become real change to how you deal and act in a realtionship you'll see them as tricks to win her back.

Buy, read the book, and no I get no commission....wish I did.

Dating.

Some folks here seem to think that is a good idea.

But it's not.


You dating suggests one of the following:
(notice I said suggests)

You are codependant and NEED someone in your life.

You are doing it for: jealousy or revenge. Neither the best reason to get her to come back.

You really want sex. In which case order some different type of books and woo your right hand.


Speaking from experience, dating is going to hurt people, now if you're a college frat boy looking for notches, you're not going to care. But I'm willing to bet that your a little more emotionally mature than that.

Book is on order, but it will take weeks to get here


I hear you. Mainly I need to GAL. I know how to go out and date. Other hobbies etc. will be a bit harder. But not too bad. The hard part is here the only thing people do is go out and drink. I'm not an alcoholic but I can see getting there from here, so I'm going cold turkey for a few months.


Probably the closest. Where I am I really DO need someone in my life right not, and it is nearly impossible. Not for dating, just for friendship. It is tough, but a short period of time.

When I was in Seattle last week I was asked out on a date. If felt nice, but I didn't go.

DANGER! DANGER Will Robinson!

Ehhhh....while we are designed to be social creatures and work better together.

You only really NEED 3 things.

The rest are wants that affect quality of life.

In 1.5 hours I am out of here until Monday, so its not like I am ignoring you brother.

I hear you. I mean right now. While I'm alone in a foreign country facing the prospect of a divocre, another round the world move, and finding a new job.

I feel like I can handle any two of those alone but all three is a tough hill to climb.

Thanks, and have a great weekend.

"I hear you. I mean right now. While I'm alone in a foreign country facing the prospect of a divorce, another round the world move, and finding a new job."

Long way away from home.

It makes you desperate.

Heck Jack.. he has 30 days.. let him live a little.

NFTP's.. I have a question for you.

What do you want?

That question brings on another question.

Who do you want to be?

Can I answer that with what I know I don't want? For the past five years or so we've been jumping around. W and I have lived in 7 houses, 3 states and 2 counties. We've had a bunch of jobs . . . I just want that to stop. We've been running around trying to . . . I don't even know what. I'm tired.

I do love my W. She frequenly says that "we're just not good together"? Maybe she is right. I can't say. I know I don't want to believe it. I think all the running around we've done has done serious damage to us. I wish we had another chance, where we were stable, to try.

In reality I was 90% to where I wanted to be before we got off track with this current job, which indirectly led to the A.


I used to be a software engineer. I enjoyed it. I want to go back to doing that. 7 or 8 years ago I was a strong, fun guy. Lately I've just been drowning and I think that is why my M is ending.

I want to be the fun guy my W fell in love with. To not worry about money and the future so much. I used to think that IF I had the big house, the good job and some savings THEN things would be OK. THEN I could work on my R. THEN I could give my W what she needed.

I don't want to do that anymore. She is too important. I am too important. Life is too short.

I guess, I want to unwind all the crap in my life, find someone who I can share some dreams with and just enjoy life rather than waiting for some future that may never come.

And yes. I want a family and kids.

That was a little weak. Lets try again.

I want a family with a W I can truly be myself with, and be respected for it.

I want a job that gives me enough income and time to be with my family.

I want to spend more time outdoors.

I want to do some kind of good works. Probably wilderness protection, but it is hard to say.

I want to be physically stronger.

I want to run for office.

How is that?

"That was a little weak. Lets try again."

So you realize the task before you?

"I want a family with a W I can truly be myself with, and be respected for it."

Define "Respected" and "Myself".

"I want to spend more time outdoors."

Does this include the "family"?

"I want to do some kind of good works. Probably wilderness protection, but it is hard to say."

So.. you don't know what you want to do with this part of your life?

"I want to be physically stronger."

PX-90? I mean you got 30 days.

"I want to run for office."

This is good.. although.. Your goals seem to be "power" oriented.

"How is that?"

It was better.. I expect more.

Last question.. what is your life missing right now?