EXTREMELY addictive. It's what made an otherwise intelligent, previously-sane, female astronaut drive from TX to FL wearing an adult diaper, to save the time on bathroom break stops, just so she could go avenge her man and get there a few minutes sooner.
reason for holding back the intel is that her email was left open on her computer and I out of curiosity looked to see what she was saying to her friends... If I confront her, she'll make it about a violation of her privacy instead of about her heavily flirting / heavily alluding to wanting to hook up with him. Unfortunately he's 6-8 years younger, a good looking model type guy, and starting his own company (in a sense me 7-9 years ago). Fortunately, he's 6-8 years younger..... because he won't put up with her sh*t for long. I can't make her love me if she wants to chase that fantasy. But as much as I love her, my self dignity and self respect demand that I am not going to waiting around for her if / when she comes back.
[quote=pinhead]Umm, anger? Is that how you want her to see you?
I would think that being Bond-like, cool, would be better.
Anger leads to hate; which leads to really bad prequels.
too funny. I don't really believe getting angry is the answer but throwing her off her game and doing the unexpected is. In my case that could be getting angry. Right now her anger is leading to hatred for me because I am weighing on her guilty mind and that is keeping her from enjoying her fantasy.
It's been a little over a week and I've been trying to do the LRT. Not sure if it's working but I am going to see my wife tonight for the 2nd time this past week. Last Sunday we were supposed to have a talk about us after she sent me a letter after two weeks of silence that said she had fallen out of love with me and did not trust me to be the man she needed. My response to her was a 180. I didn't beg. I didn't plead. I didn't say I loved her. I didn't try and point out the good in our marriage. I validated her feelings and then said that like her, I didn't want to be in a loveless, communicationless marriage where there was a lack of trust and respect between the two people. I agreed with her that we should see someone in hopes of moving on separately and added hopefully amicably. She responded she hated this and wanted to meet in person. When I went over, she started talking about work and her family. I listened and engaged and chimed in and let her talk. After an hour she asked me what was going on with me. I said a little but not much. And then we had finished dinner and I said I was going to go. That I wanted to talk about us but she had a big day the next day and needed her rest. I got up and left. She sent me an email 45 minutes later. I waited until the next morning to respond. She wanted to chat later that afternoon - I listened and was supportive but let myself go and didn't add an of my emotion to the conversation. She texted me the next day the kind of thing she would when we were ok. I didnt respond. And now I'm going over to see her and have no idea what to expect but I'm ok with myself. I've caught up with old friends. Done things that make me happy (that are not destructive.) I am GAL. Not sure if that means the LRT technique works but sometimes I think a partner needs to see change even if it isn't the specific change they may be looking for. Any kind of change I think gets their wheels spinning. There are things outside of mine and anyone's control and it's hard to let that go but that is the best thing you can do.
Arrrggghhhh. Help! Having dinner with wife tonight and not sure how to "be." She has quit her job, is moving back home, wants me to move in to our place while she figures things out and cover all rent / expenses which I can do. Wants me to do a lot to help her. So when can I bring up us? LRT says not to bring up the relationship until she does but what if she doesn't? Do I not do everything I can to help her and be there for her? It's the right thing to do but also feel taken advantage of since there has been no verbal indication of reconciliation or working on our relationship from her. Anyone been here? Does taking baby steps mean never discussing the future?
She has quit her job, is moving back home, wants me to move in to our place while she figures things out and cover all rent / expenses which I can do. Wants me to do a lot to help her.
Read that out loud and think about if one of your friends told you that.
"I have been doing alot of thinking and I have decided that I don't want to be married to someone who doesn't love me. I am going to do what is best for me and stay right where I am."
That will help her more than you paying for everything while she figures things out - cake eating. You help her by drawing a boundary. I would have this discussion before you even go out to eat. You two aren't ready to have a "date." She is going to play you if you do.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
My sublet is running out at the end of the month and so I need a new place to stay. The $$$ is the same. From a practical standpoint, it helps me out to have a place locked down.
Emotionally, it will be tough to be in our home without there being an "us." Not sure if I can say that to her.
None of my friends told me this...? She admitted she was being selfish by asking this. She also admitted that she has hated her job and can't separate that frustration in her head from us.
I am going above and beyond by agreeing to do this. Most selfless thing I can do which she always said I was not. This is the biggest exception I can make. BUT I am thinking about putting a time limit on it and saying - I'll do this for two months and then I will find my own place. Setting a boundary that way.
In the back of my mind I remember what my doctor told me - "nice guys get [censored] on."
