Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? WAH and LBW separated and dark

it's one small step. recognizing is one thing.
fixing this problem is another. that's probably the bigger challenge that i need to get through. habits are hard to break but this one must be broken.


they turned out really good.
i used light cream cheese. so i don't feel guilty eat more than one. i will definitely make them again.


i've been struggling a lot lately. i hope it will pass soon.

Thanks once again D4ML for your support on my thread--it is appreciated!!

Wow--I do NOT see you alone in the future. Once you have gone through something like this, you have a common bond with others that have faced the same or similar challenges. I hardly know anyone that has a perfect marriage. Friends, aquaintances, they all relate how they "nearly divorced" or DID divorce. A LOT of my friends had gotten D'd when younger. Some were the WAW. Some were the "LB".

You just haven't opened yourself up to these conversations yet--but there are 1000s of stories and 1000s of potential friends for you to make. People who understand instantly what you are going through and talking about.

I felt a lot of shame the first time, so I do relate to this. The more work I did, the less to be ashamed about. It's now my H's loss completely. I am very, very aware of my issues. And I've done lots of work on them--TONS of work. I am very, very glad to have done this work.

And recognizing the problems means you have made a tremendous leap. Sure, it would be nice to "fix" it also. But recognizing it is still huge.

journaling ..

i've ignored my gratitude list for a few days. mainly because i just don't believe in the power of a gratitude list. i have lots to be grateful for but it doesn't change the brutal reality of what i have been dealt.

surprisingly, i was talking to my mom and she still feels sad for me and i had to cheer her up. i told her that this was probably a blessing in disguise. i've been a bit more upbeat these days.

i finally made a trip to see my doctor. my ic has been asking me to go see my doctor for the longest time. i've been putting it off.

my doctor ran some tests on me. i'm okay. no drugs needed. i credit squash for helping me stay healthy. exercise really does keep me happy and the blood flowing.

life isn't so bad. there is a reason to smile.

"i've ignored my gratitude list for a few days. mainly because i just don't believe in the power of a gratitude list. i have lots to be grateful for but it doesn't change the brutal reality of what i have been dealt."

But.. is this not the fatal flaw?

As normal people.. we take things for granted.

He should love you because you are married.

He should love you because of the commitment.

While you are right in sentiment.. you are wrong.

Why do we stop being thankful?

Why do we stop returning the love?

Is it really all the LBS's fault?

"surprisingly, i was talking to my mom and she still feels sad for me and i had to cheer her up. i told her that this was probably a blessing in disguise. i've been a bit more upbeat these days."

Did these words make her feel better?

"my doctor ran some tests on me. i'm okay. no drugs needed. i credit squash for helping me stay healthy. exercise really does keep me happy and the blood flowing."

Being OK.. is so subjective. Healthy.. is good. That is really all the doc could "see" you were.

"life isn't so bad. there is a reason to smile."

To me.. this is the most important thing you said.

The fantastic thing about it is.. you defined "life" a few posts ago.

You are not quite "Retarded" yet. You act like you are. But you don't really live it yet.

The power of positive thinking?



Life is pretty good

You probably missed my post where my Bissel Steam Cleaner and Glade plug-ins wound up topping my gratitude list for the day Boy, was that ever a mess

Off to drink coffee.

i think i'm too focused on the void in my life.
instead of looking at my heart as a whole, i'm focused on the missing piece in my heart.

if anything, i have to start looking at it from that angle.


because you realize that you're being taken for granted.
because you realize that with all of your best intentions and love/support you've given, someone took advantage of it. and it now rewarding you with crap and attitude.
and you feel stupid for actually loving that person.


hell no. it takes two. the WAS is also at fault.


sort of.
her words to me were .. your siblings want to support you but find it very difficult to do so. they see you still in love with someone who inflicted so much hurt on to you and they simply don't understand why you want to be treated that way.

i'm losing the fight in me. i am afraid to continue fighting for my m. i may not salvage my m and i may lose my family in the process. i have much to lose. my family is really important to me. even though you may say that family is resilience, they won't forget this. so much shame, hurt, and pain.


i know there are still a lot of issues i need to sort out.
i haven't given myself the time to actually go through the process. i've avoided it .. hoping that it will work itself out. i know i'm not okay on a mental and emotional level.

i can't show weakness. i can't show how affected i still am from this. i can't express myself for fear of being judged. i have to be careful what i say to others .. i can't have my friends worry about me. i can't say how i really feel for fear of how my family will react. i'm trying to make others feel better by having them believe that i'm okay. in other words ... i cannot be me. i feel suffocated.


i don't even remember this.


i'm not there yet. i'm still waiting for it to work itself out.

what has me silent for the time being is ... you said something to me a while back that i've been thinking about a lot. you commented that i didn't know what was important to me yet. it was something along that line. the words have been weighing on my mind.

i'm trying to find inspiration that will help me figure that out. i've been keeping my thoughts to myself. i've watched videos from wayne dyer. no effect.

i need some help in this area. i may have to just bite the bullet and think positive. fake it until i make it.

Yes--do fake it. You WILL make it.

One day, you will see that loving takes courage and strength. You never know if it will be returned. Do it anyway.

Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. You may not ever be forgiven in the way you want. Do it anyway.

Kindness is something that may not be returned. Do it anyway.

And then, sometimes, it IS returned. And it will make your heart leap. You will never think of it the same way again. I look forward to loving more, deeper, being kinder, more forgiving. Being soppy and stupid and telling people what they mean to me. And so what if it isn't returned every time exactly the way I want it to be.

Does that really make me the stupid one? Do you think I'm stupid D4ML? Go ahead--you can answer that honestly if you want. I can (probably) take it.lol.

OK, D4ML, I need you to pop over to my thread and give me some insight on the "gift LL". I have a friend that I just figured out must be a gift person and I am LOST on that one (it is last on my list!)

The poor gift people in my life have been so neglected! I have a lot of catching up to do!!

i hope that one day i will find the courage and strength to open my heart to love again. right now, it's pretty guarded.


i can see that the lesson to be learned from your post is that i should give or try and not expect anything in return. when you do, it'll be awesome.

i get it. it's a very endearing way of looking at it. thanks for putting it that way because it does motivate me to smile, look at things in a positive light. do because you want to .. not because you want to get something out of it.


not at all.


hehe. my advice? don't put that kind of pressure on me. i am not good at giving advice.

i am feeling better these days though.

i am grateful that the sun is shining. that fall is here - my favorite season. i just did the colors for my home. it's going to look really nice. i'm super excited. i hope it isn't going to cost me too much.

I want to thank you for the EXCELLENT advise you gave!! You need to give yourself credit!

How's it been going? I am wanting to update my sitch, and not, it's just becoming more and more bizarre in my world. You do pretty good with the 2 x 4s.lol. I need to "confess" and yet--ugh--so embarassing! Enough about me!

What's been happening??