Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis H pushing Divorce

Well reality is sinking in about OW. Found out H took her to a festival and fishing over the weekend. I don't know how the LBS's deal with that pain when your H's are living with other woman. You are amazing people. Any tips? I am so angry right now. He checked out on us for the past few years and we couldn't get him to go to anything. And he has been buying her little goodies for her health, so they can be more mobile. Isn't that sweet?

Okay, I got that off my chest, now what do I do with the emotions I am feeling? Anger, hurt, etc. I could pack up his crap right now and drop it off and never look at him again.

I am so angry...What is funny is how he told me that he has only been seeing her 1 month and here she is, once again blabbing that he was so worried when she went through her episode in April!!! Again he lies, she blabs. I am aware this has been going on for 2 years, btw.

So I think that info is intended for my benefit...to rile me up...which it did. lol. I must learn to not react huh? H is so stupid I don't think he even knows she does this.

Well I feel better to vent anyway. I am glad to have this forum.

Sorry you are here and yes, there are amazing people here to support you.

Should you accept this mission, it's going to be a long bumpy ride so strap yourself in.

Remember this is a marathon, not a sprint.

Thanks Tulsa
Yup I accepted the mission. And it has been quite a ride so far...Put on my helmet and strap myself in!

this is a question for LanceSijan
I had written this in above post- I believe 5th one up ^

"Lance- I also feel that divorce push is coming from OW. When H left the day he met with me to talk division of things, when he left, he said "thank you," in a very strange way. Like a great weight was lifted. Like something was done he was dreading."

You responded with-

"From what you just posted he must carry through the divorce."

I was wondering if you could tell me more about this? What is it you see that tells you he must carry through? I am just curious for your thoughts on this. I also think he must do it.

Oh ,sorry I forgot to add another general question.

When my H comes to the house on his day, he takes things a little at a time. Why doesn't he take everything of his, but only takes certain things? Like he took some clothes, but left others, took gun cabinet, a small jewelry type box, but not his big one? Like he picks and chooses. And he takes things I wouldn't think he would think about. It is kind of weird. Today he also left a note about taking gun cabinet. He hasn't let me know about anything he has taken in the past month or so, he just takes it. I was surprised. maybe because it was the gun cabinet...who knows.

B,
It's not strange at all as to what your h removes from the home. Some will take all and others will pick and choose until you absolutely get sick of it. In fact, I wouldn't be the least bit surprised to read later on that he's also walked off w/some things of yours that you use periodically.

Many people have thought over the years that they only take a few things at at time to have an excuse to return to the home to see what you've been up to. Their habit is very much like a squirrel w/nuts...they only take a few things at a time to store them away. What's interesting, in many instances, they take the belongings and then not use them for a very long time.

It is typical/normal behavior for some of them. Take some time this week and walk around your home and really take notice of things...I bet you will discover some things missing that you never thought he would take that you use or need in the home.

B,

When my H made his grand sweep through the house for items, he kept grabbing things he hadn't touched in years, if ever. He reminded me of Steve Martin in 'The Jerk'. I want this lamp, oh and this end table, and yes, this vase. It was comical.

I think I should have rephrased this.
You must make him do all the work.
You can not help him at all in this process.
He will try to turn it around and make you help him push through the divorce.
So it will be your fault not his.
This should be HIS divorce, not yours.
Make him do all the work.

I am not sure whether he will have the resolve to do this.
That is what I read in your post.

I hope that is clearer, I see by my post I was not to the point.
If you have more questions ask away.

Thanks LanceSijan

I gotcha now!

No, I am not helping him with anything. He will definitely have to do all the work. When we met I told him this was HIS divorce, not mine. I am aware of what I do, and I try the best I can to not give him ANYTHING to use against me as "my fault"...like argue, spew, etc.

I mean he did that in the beginning,saying things I had done...made fun of him picking his fingernail...Okay? Then he turned it into "it was him." He just didn't have feelings anymore.

But back to the point, I understand what you are saying. Thank you for your response.


Snodderly
Lmao...yup he already did this. He has taken a picture from a frame! It took me awhile to notice it as it was on a shelf. He also took the stereo from the garage and that took awhile to find. So now I say to D's when I go home on his day he has been out..that I am going home to do inventory. Lol!

Punkin
Also lmao...he was doing this the day we met to divide things. He was sitting in the kitchen and looking around the living room...he says..."OH! I have to put my deer-head on my list! All excited like.

Then he goes into bedroom to look for something and comes out with a picture...taken off the wall! Lmao....he says, This is going to be my next tattoo!" I said, "are ya bringing it back?"....he paused a long time and said...I don't know.....I bought it for me..I said, ok. Then he says, I suppose I could bring it back, cause I will have a tattoo of it. I just looked at him like he was from another planet and I was trying to understand his language!

Then he saw the kitchen table in the porch, ready for kids to pick up. He says, "what are you doing with the table?"...I said chairs are going to one D25 and table to the other D21." He says, " Oh," all mopey-like.

Felt like I should have price tags hanging off- the lamp and OH!.... the end table!

Thanks for you response guys!


Baffles the mind...lol.

Beastie,

Good for you! Find the humor in the situation because otherwise, we'd be on the floor crying in the fetal position the whole time! There is no end to the weird things our MLCers do. Don't try to make sense of it because by its nature, its nonsensical. Laughter is the best medicine!