No better way to cure your curiousity than to sit still and find out. I also can't think of what else you'd say, when H pulled this on me, all I could think of was stuff that was pursuing, etc.
Oh that is indeed my plan, to sit still and see how it pans out. I find that curiosity is a better state of mind than despair though. I am trying not to have expectations, just wait and see what happens.
Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you
She suggested that I add "Please contact me to discuss this further." but I just don't know what we'd discuss then.
You agree with him. "I understand how you could feel that way. This marriage isn't working for me either."
You said earlier that since he deployed in 2008 you don't talk much. What's the connection? Don't be surprised if there is someone else.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
No better way to cure your curiousity than to sit still and find out. I also can't think of what else you'd say, when H pulled this on me, all I could think of was stuff that was pursuing, etc.
Oh that is indeed my plan, to sit still and see how it pans out. I find that curiosity is a better state of mind than despair though. I am trying not to have expectations, just wait and see what happens.
That's my current state too, I'm curious to see how prepared H is for these decisions he's been making. It's still hard for me to just sit back and "drop the rope" but curiousity is definitely better than despair in any form.
Me: 24 H: 26 2 SS: 7 & 5; D: 3 H filed D papers: 8/2/10 OW discovered: 08/10 D papers counter-filed: 10/2/10 There is no method to my madness
You said earlier that since he deployed in 2008 you don't talk much. What's the connection? Don't be surprised if there is someone else.
I didn't say that we didn't talk much, just that we didn't talk on the phone. We spent countless hours talking through IM, an hour or 2 almost every day, and every now and then it would be 5-8 hours in a day. He talked to me a lot about things that went on there, his job, some traumatic events that happened and many times said that I am the only person he can talk about this to.
Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you
You said earlier that since he deployed in 2008 you don't talk much. What's the connection? Don't be surprised if there is someone else.
I didn't say that we didn't talk much, just that we didn't talk on the phone. We spent countless hours talking through IM, an hour or 2 almost every day, and every now and then it would be 5-8 hours in a day. He talked to me a lot about things that went on there, his job, some traumatic events that happened and many times said that I am the only person he can talk about this to.
Ris, I'm not saying there is someone else, you're the best judge of that. But me and H did the same thing. Talked all the time, sometimes several hours and he's told me things that he said he couldn't talk to anyone else about (even after he dropped the D bomb). Just be cautious, weigh all the options and make sure.
Me: 24 H: 26 2 SS: 7 & 5; D: 3 H filed D papers: 8/2/10 OW discovered: 08/10 D papers counter-filed: 10/2/10 There is no method to my madness
I got an email back from H this morning: "I'll get you the paper work in two weeks or so.
goodbye."
I thought about all your suggestions regarding handling this, what soleil said and what Coach added and what I'm thinking of doing now is to ask him to call me. I'm pretty sure he won't want to but I'm going to say (as soleil said) that it's a divorce and not to be taken lightly. I am going away (more on that later) on my Thursday morning so I'll ask him to call me either while I'm at work on Wed (his evening) or anytime during Wed night (his Thu morning - lunchtime). I don't really want him to call when I'm gone so if he doesn't do it before, then I'm back on Monday and we can make new arrangements then.
Once he calls, I plan to say that divorce is not what I want but I understand that he wants it and I don't want a marriage where I'm not respected and I don't feel loved/wanted. Is that confusing? I do want to say that I don't want a divorce, but is it counterproductive? Should I agree to it without saying I don't want it? Please give more more advice on how to handle this conversation and what to say there. Should I be upbeat?
Now, regarding my trip. I'm going home because I need to go to the dentist. My friend is also getting married that weekend and I wasn't planning on going but since I will be around for the dentist, I'm also going to that. The town where the wedding is, is a few hours drive away from my hometown and when I decided to go, I asked my mom to come with me for company since we also have family there. None of these people know what's going on. What do I do? I don't really want to tell, but I can't imagine lying for 5 days to everyone I see. The family there haven't met my H and they will all want to know about our wedding and stuff.... I can't really avoid the subject. I'm considering telling my mom some of it, but I'm not sure if it's a good idea.
Please help! TH, Coach, soleil, everyone else, I would like your insights and suggestions.
Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you
At this point, we usually tell people to protect themselves (legally, finances, assets, and so on) and their kids if they have any.
I hate that you have no ability to gather intel (phone records and such) and that he's half way around the world and doing this without the courtesty of even a phone call. It's kind of hard to respect how he's chosing to do this.
You seem like a good person, so I want you to take good care of yourself and get the best legal advice you can afford.
I know this: it may not feel like it sometimes, but you are going to be OK in the end. He didn't ask any questions in his response, so even though I believe he should have at least called, if you do ask him to call, it will be pursuing.
That being said, I don't respect the way he's doing this.
No advice. Leaving this for coach and others. Just here for support right now.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
If he's seeing somebody else, then this all makes more sense. Unfortunately, asking if there is somebody else usually doesn't work. Sometimes it does, but usually people having an affair lie about it.
That's where gathering intel helps. If you knew who he was having an affair with, then you could attempt to bust the affair before you let him go. As things stand, I am really at a loss here.
Take good care of yourself, and start making plans for yourself.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
Thank you TH. I really want to ask him WHYYY? Why did he decide he wanted a divorce if only a month ago he was telling me he wants to work things out and stepping up to being a real husband. It's not only with me, around the same time he started talking more to his family, everyone was delighted to see "the old him", nice and polite and asking about their affairs as opposed to only calling/emailing when he needed something and never being interested in anyone else but himself. And now he's back to being that person. It's like he's on this giant mood swing, 1-2 weeks up, 1-2 weeks down.
Regarding the legal side, I'm sort of lost here. We don't have any joint accounts or assets, and only have been married for a few months. So that's pretty straight forward I guess. The only thing is that I live in Europe and he's stationed in Asia right now, so I'm not sure how this is all going to happen, but I guess it's not really my problem?
Accept that there is only one thing you can change in life and that is you
