Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers A little perspective needed please!

Here's the thing.....she won't. And, why are you still waiting for "her" to make up "her" mind? You have not accepted what the reality is. Yes, you still love her...but it doesn't "change" her and that love doesn't change the reality of the stitch.

You could "wait" for her to make a decision for 20 years and she'd still be giving you BS. I doubt very, very seriously that she will be able to find the person she use to resemble. Yes, it's sad. Very sad, but what you need to do is stop allowing her problems to be YOUR problems. You have the power to stop allowing her to suck you back into her drama queen soap opera BS. All you have to do is accept the facts and move forward in a life apart from hers. Your choice, completely!

Thanks everyone so far,

So I know that we are all "better" in our own heads in regards to how we deal with our situations. But I think that I have done at least a "decent" job of moving on----worked on me, lost weight, changed alot of how I was living my life, went on some dates, got closer with family and friends, etc....

The problem (at least I think so!) now is that even if I move on, I feel a great loss for my S3 and that leads me back to this .001% what if, that is further perpetuated by XW.

Don't know if that makes sense or not?? But that is what is making this hard to completely "cut the cord"

Yes, it makes perfect sense. However, we could drive ourselves crazy by asking "what if" in all areas and situations in life. What if I had not said this or done that?

However, you probably know her better than anyone else....so you have to make that choice. But I will tell you like I told another young man who was staying for the sake of the child....in about 15 yrs that child will be out of the home and it will just be you and the W. Then what? Are you willing to toss the chances of a future with somebody you could be happy with? What about other possible children with another W some day? (BTW, the man I said this to...has a W that sounds like yours.)

Why can't you have a R with your child without her? I realize it's not the same, but when all is said and done....you have to make a decision or else ride the fense of "hoping she'll change"...from now on.

I think you are giving her signals that you are more than willing to work on the M if she would give it another chance. But, there's your problem....she's holding all the power in the R. She keeps you dangling at the end of the rope. Why not drop the dang rope, already? Dating, GAL, etc. doesn't mean you've dropped the rope emotionally....and she reads that loud and clear.

If you take the power over your own life and drop that .0001 percent of doubt, then she would fall all over herself trying to make you see just how "certain" she feels toward a MR with you.

Sandi---I agree 100%, it is one thing to agree but quite another to do. And you are correct about giving her signals that I would if she would type of thing.

In my head and your words I know what i need to do, I am just struggling as to how to do it. Another poster said recently "that you can only fake it until you make it for so long"---there has to be something of more substance there at the end..........Just thinking out loud here "what is my end?" Is it another relationship, is it knowing S3 will be "ok" is it being alone and happy/content at the same time?? I don't know and that is the scary part/hard to accept part for me........

Exactly. Drop the rope and drop it for good.



And this is so flippin' true.

You have to accept what has happened. Until you do that you cannot and will not move on.

You need to decide: do you want to stay like this or do you want to move on?

And if you choose to move on, you can get rid of that question mark at the end of your signature

So....does that mean he didn't make it?

The way I look at the fake until you make....is that we eventually become our thoughts. If we do positive things "on purpose"--does it mean we are faking if we don't really think or feel the positive thing we did? If that was the case then I probably would not go to my job site a lot of days, nor tollerate some of the people I come in contact with (nor smile at them).....and I wouldn't attend Church regularly, or try to cheer another person when I felt off myself. But I've learned that if I determine within my own heart to put into motion what I "know" is more positive than how I may "feel", then my thoughts/attitude will catch up. Do you see what I'm trying to say? The point is to eventually "make" it...or in other words, "become" what you are projecting!

FWIW, I do understand what you and Soleil are saying...and nothing is much harder than trying to be positive when your life is falling apart.



And this is where your true heartbreak lies. Your little boy who you would lay down your life for him....will he be ok?

My other post probably sounded rather cold about M & family, but I am certainly in favor of families staying together instead of D, if they can live together without somebody going insane or being abused. For the record, there are a lot of abused H's out there b/c it comes in different kinds of packages.

Will S3 be ok? IDK.....and nobody does, but you want somebody to just tell you he will be okay if you get a D. Staying M does not promise us that our children will be fine. I wished it did!

Do you get 50% visitation? Would you continue to live in the same area as your W if once D? Would she leave you alone and move forward? If she's the type that she's turn batty and is going to make sure you go nuts, too......yikes, you've had it. Do you trust her with S3? I think those might be some things that would at least help you started in finding some kind of "end". However, I hope you will think more about a new beginning in life.

None of us know what is our end. I'm not sure we need to know. We face life with our personal beliefs/standards and faith. We make the most, hopefully, of each day that we have.