Mila, I feel so bad for you. I know our sitches are all difficult to deal with but you really are stuck between a rock and a hard place.
Trying to keep the business afloat and worrying about H going off the deep end business wise is a double whammy. Walking that line between business and personal has to be so hard and I'm sure the line blurs because of the impact one has on the other.
You're tough as nails, yet compassionate, dignified and kind. I hope someday your H realizes just how lucky he is.
I think faking that smile while we are dying inside is just the worst thing. I hate doing it.
Sorry I had to respond to this one...
Yes it is hard. It is even harder when you EXPECT something from them.
It is even HARDER when you have not let go and fully detached.
It is even HARDER when you have not looked inside YOURSELF to see where you can make improvements, where you can find peace.
It is even HARDER when you never get to that place where you realize that EVERY PERSON (Yourself included) can make their own choice and although we may not agree with them - we must move forward in our lives.
It is even HARDER when you have not truly forgiven. Not forgotten...forgiven.
It is even HARDER when you have not taken control over YOUR emotions. When your emotions are still being controlled by the actions of another.
So yeah...it may be hard to smile in the face of all of this. If you have not done any of the above.
Having said all of this, we ALL are entitled to get angry, get fustrated. Who's responsible for how we deal with our Anger? Our spouses or us?
Mila - keep focusing on what you want. focus on YOU.
God Bless, Eric
"The difficulties of Life are intended to make us BETTER,not bitter". "Fear is a prison, where you are the jailer. FREE YOURSELF!" "Life is usually all about how you handle Plan B." - Jack3Beans
To quickly recap last week....Business interactions with H were extremely strained and I'm beyond stressed....reaching the point that If I don't make some changes I'm going to make myself sick.
I don't think I can continue with him in the business. I don't see any future in it first of all, since he seems very clear that he is building new life with OW and all he wants from me is to continue working with him to keep the business alive.
All he cares about is himself...he wants me to do more in the business and he doesn't even see what I already carry on my shoulders. I told him that he should open his own bank account and pay his own bills...even told him that I don't need to see some of the receipts that he gives me...like his condom purchases. All he said is "Yeah, I can see that"
I was so upset after the last meeting when he asked me to do more and brought me his personal receipts and bills to pay that I wrote him an email with a list of everything that I'm responsible for....business, personal, parenting, household....it was a long list. Here is what I wrote:
Our meeting this morning did not go very well, we were both on guard and defensive, hard to have a productive meeting like that. And when you said that you want to make it short, I completely gave up on it. It also seems to me that you think that I’m not doing enough....not sure if you are even interested, but here are some of the things that I've been and am taking care of.
Then I listed my responsibilities and closed the email with the following:
I didn’t write this to make you feel bad, just wanted you to know that I’m doing my best.
All I was hoping for is that he will see how much I have to deal with comparing to what he does....and stop asking me to do more.
Well he sent me an email back, I'm not going to put the whole thing here, it's long, but here are few quotes.
..."It’s so very sad that you felt the need to write this. It shows how little you believe in me and in my (or any) feelings for you, in my love for D and in my feelings in general. It really looks like you think that I have changed into this unfeeling monster without a heart, who only sees his needs... I did not. Not living with D breaks my heart every day!! Seeing you in pain does the same. I didn’t just forget about everything we went through! I didn’t just throw it all out of my mind!"...
..."I want to say that I am very sorry for the pain I have caused you! (you most likely don’t believe that). And I am sorry how it all came about, because that was my fault. (you most likely don’t believe that either. Actually, you know that the impression you give me is that you don’t believe anything I say...)"
Yet again he is bringing up this trust issue....that I don't trust him seems to be what really, really bothers him....comes up every time.
I came to a conclusion that being business partners and trying to DB is impossible. In order to keep business alive I have to bring up though issues...financial, work load sharing etc....no matter how "business like" I try to be, and I'm not always successful in separating business from emotions and of course H takes everything personally....
I think that I make him feel guilty and bad about himself just by existing....
Last edited by Mila; 09/18/1005:31 PM.
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
