Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers WAW left on Independence Day and not communicating

Coach,

I agree now, but a day before she left she did not show signs of pulling away. But that is a mute point now. I still want to bust the D:

1. So, I will file and email her that the two of us can work with the same L. This action sets her free, which is what she wants.
2. We use the same L, so maybe an opportunity there?
3. Continue GAL and detaching
4. Either keep the lines of communication open with an occasional email or just follow her lead...but then again I should be leading and doing 180's

What is your advice Coach?

Amen to that.



You only need to send 1 email clearly stating what the deal is. That's it. No following up, etc. She can read, she gets it. You have told her you want to work on M. She knows that. It's not a new concept to her. If she asks you advice, tell her you don't know and right now are protecting yourself/looking of for your own interests if she wants out of the M.




Ding ding ding.

Then you need to do a lot of homework on women before you get in another relationship.

My advice to you would be CYA. You don't know nor does it matter what she is thinking right now. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." She is not in your home or does she want to be married to you.

Let her go, be your own man (you decide what you want) and be attractive.

soleil Thanks!

Believe me I know she has pulled away away far away. I was just joking that if she pulled away before she left then she is one he!! actress because I did not see it or feel it! We had always had a very passionate relationship and it did not diminish. Again, dwelling on that does not help me in where I am going and what I need to do next.

So I will file and tell my W that we will work with one L and I will retain him so that I protect my A$$ets and if we due follow through with the D that it is as bloodless as possible.

So this is the the emailthat I sent to her:

"I have spoken with several mediators and a couple of lawyers and they all agree that the best approach for a uncontested divorce is that I would file and we would work with one lawyer to dissolve the marriage. I will retain the lawyer and have the documents prepared. I will send the contact information of the lawyer that I retain to you so that you can work with them to schedule a convenient time when you would be served the papers and for consultations."

Two minutes later I get a response from her "Sounds good" Thank you, W. She doesn't want to pay or do the heavy lifting. I feel like a door mat, but the L tell me that we need to kiss hew a$$ because she has the better hand financially.

No, you're not a doormat. You are making big decisions here.

soleil,

I am paying the bill as usual and she just sits back for the ride. I hope she can find another "Host" that she can feed off of to help pay for her Masters and write her papers

HIH

In order to save your M IMO you must first save yourself. I am not proposing that you "hold on" to your W. On the contrary, I agree 100% with letting her go, drop the rope, whatever you want to call it.

I also agree that you need to protect yourself. If the way to do this is with a legal process well then go do what you have to do.

In our state you can file for a legal separation...this provides the finacial protection that you are looking for.

No one here can tell you if you should or should not fight or try to save your M. This is a call you must make.

Also, why have her carry the football. Not man enough or do not want to make the call. If it is the later maybe you should look at this.

Look dude - either way you go just remember this...all of this is YOUR call, this is YOUR life. Whatever youdo..do it with no regrets.

Eric

HIH


Yeah...you go ahead and TELL HER...I am sure that she will appreciate YOU telling HER what to DO.

HIH - YOU control YOUR actions....NOT HERS.

Eric,

Thanks for your advice. I was pretty set in letting her file until I met with my L and he told me that based on the pre-nup, which he thought was strong (but found out differntly) and my financials I make twice what my W makes that if she wants to dig into my financials and take portions of my 401k, pension, etc. she could.

Right now she is telling me that she wants a uncontested D and does not want anything from me. I guess guilt for all of the years taking care of her both financially and educationally. My L says that I need to kiss her a$$ and the best way to do that is to file assume all cost and tell her that since it uncontested that she could work with my L (again all ethical).

I don't plan to give up on my M. I will continue to GAL and detach...I am okay now, but I need to continue so when things begin to roll I will be okay. I will continue 180's email her sparringly and respond accordingly and be the best me that I can be. Coach is right I need to be attractive and that is what I plan to be with my W as well as with everyone I meet.

I am proud of what I have accomplished so far by losing 70+ pounds, from a 44/46 to a 34/36 waist. I am less agitated and angry though I know less about what is going on in the world and I am spending more time with my sons. We went rock climbing a few weeks ago and plan to go inside skydiving this Saturday.

I meant me handling the D football not my W.